At Last! The Duel! (‘Oy, Rodney’)

a gripping page-turner headed for the top of the NY Times bestseller list | Romance novels, Funny romance, Book parody

Introducing Chapter DXLVIII of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, author Violet Crepuscular declares “My readers are revolting!” (Ed.–I don’t know how to take this. Do you?) Apparently a cabal of readers in Scotland have formed a conspiracy against “the Queen of Suspense,” according to police in Egypt. Somebody’s gonna get locked up in the dungeon at Glamis Castle unless she comes across with the duel already.

The alert reader who has nothing better to do will remember that Lord Jeremy Coldsore has challenged himself to a duel to the death–ginsu knives at 25 paces. All of Scurveyshire turns out to watch. The sardines-in-toothpaste vendors have never had it so good.

“You sure you wanna go through with this, Germy, ol’ hoss?” asks the American adventurer, Willis Twombley, who thinks he is Sargon of Akkad.

“Fire!” cries the referee, Constable Chumley.

“We don’t have guns!” Lord Jeremy points out.

The crowd is getting ugly. The constable shudders. Jeremy steps off 25 paces, turns, and throws the knife. It sticks in Chumley’s helmet, having missed a vital spot. He runs 50 paces in the opposite direction and throws the other knife. It bursts an inflatable effigy of a Victorian celebrity who has demanded that his name be not mentioned here.

The mayor of Scurveyshire–really, it’s none of his business–declares the duel a draw. “We don’t have any more ginsu knives,” he explains. A large dog drags him out of sight.

Next week: More suspense, every bit as riveting as this week’s!

3 comments on “At Last! The Duel! (‘Oy, Rodney’)

  1. Does anyone here remember what the duel is about? And has Lady Margo Cargo noticed that both Lord Jeremy and Willis Twombley are both present and thus can’t be the same person? No, I take that back. If she can believe that one person can be two people dueling against each other, I suppose she can believe two people standing next to each other can be the same person.

    Anyway, now that the duel has resulted in a draw, who gets to do whatever the duel was about? I guess we’ll have to wait for Chapter DXLIX to find out that we aren’t going to find out.

    1. Part of the suspense lies in trying to remember what the duel was about in the first place. It must be mentioned that Lady Margo doesn’t see things as we might see them.

  2. All is well that ends well. As regards Chumley, the helmet is purely decorative. There are no vital organs in Chumley’s head. 🙂

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