Byron’s TV Listings, Sept. 2

TV Guide – Saturday, March 24, 1979 – Retro Hound

Happy Labor Day, boys ‘n’ girls! Byron the Quokka here, with your holiday weekend TV treats brought to you by Quokka University. Here’s the merest sample of our menu:

7:30 P.M.  Ch. 08  DRACULA’S KITCHEN–Sort of a cooking show

The Count (Frank Buttocks) demonstrates various Old Country dishes that don’t use garlic. Tonight: The “Don’t Ask” Special. Parts of the broadcast heavily censored. Igor: Ian McShane.

Ch. 12   NEWS WITH LOTS OF HOWLER MONKEYS–Self-explanatory

Really, you can’t hear yourself think! Anchorman Tony Blare has to shriek at the top of his lungs just to get the headlines read. Producer Phylla Basket calls it “part of chaos TV, the next big thing.”

I can’t quite see the appeal.

8 P.M.  Ch. 21 THE STORY OF DIPHTHONGS–Docu-drama

It’s 1878 in Edinburgh, Scotland; and Professor Fergus MacAllistair (Phil Silvers) is about to change world history forever–by inventing diphthongs. Lady Foo: Doris Day. Andy Devine: himself. Queen Victoria: Sharon Stone. Song: “Got No Diphthongs in My Coccyx” (Arlen Spector’s Band).

Ch. 40  MOVIE–Shabby excuse for a timely drama

In Happy Labor Day, Comrade (Austro-Serbian, 2006; 798 minutes), a married man (Jiminy Cricket) tries to make his wife (Heather Locklear) believe he’s a Skinwalker. The real skinwalkers won’t put up with this. Directed by an octopus.

Well, that should get you started, at least! Take a break from horseshoes and chill out with some Quokka U. TV.

Quokka Posing And Smiling At Camera Portrait Of A Funny Quokka On Rottnest  Island Western Australia Stock Photo - Download Image Now - iStock

Byron the Quokka, signing off!

5 comments on “Byron’s TV Listings, Sept. 2

  1. Octopi make good directors because they can hand-signal all the actors at once. They’re probably a good candidate pool for symphony orchestra conductors too.

  2. DRACULA’S KITCHEN–Sort of a cooking show – This one is a must-see – I will be wearing a necklace of garlic cloves when I tune it in. NEWS WITH LOTS OF HOWLER MONKEYS–Self-explanatory – If only CNN & MSNBC used Holler monkeys on their every broadcast show. In Happy Labor Day, Comrade – This movie is way too long, but I would like to wish everyone in the Bloggiest sphere a Happy Labor Day.

  3. I’m gona watch all those shows, but not the Howler monkey’s. Just that short clip, made me clean my gun, load it, and go looking for those howling beasts, to rid the earth of such noise makers. What was God thinking? Lord, couldn’t you have turned down the volume just a bit?

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