Just For Fun: Courtroom Clangers

Thought you might find these funny again   this is from early on in the blog
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by  court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS:     Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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ATTORNEY:  This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS:     Yes.

ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS:     I forget..

ATTORNEY:  You forget?  Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

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ATTORNEY:  Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS:     We both do.

ATTORNEY:  Voodoo?

WITNESS:     We do..

ATTORNEY:  You do?

WITNESS:     Yes , voodoo.

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ATTORNEY:  Now doctor , isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he
doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS:  Did you actually pass the bar exam?

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ATTORNEY:  The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?

WITNESS:      He’s 20 , much like your IQ.

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ATTORNEY:  Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS:     Are you shitting me?

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ATTORNEY:  She had three children , right?

WITNESS:     Yes.

ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?

WITNESS:      None.

ATTORNEY:   Were there any girls?

WITNESS:      Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a
new attorney?

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ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS:     By death..

ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS:     Take a guess.

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ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS:     He was about medium height and had a beard

ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS:     Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.

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ATTORNEY:  Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS:  No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

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ATTORNEY:  Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?

WITNESS:     All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

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ATTORNEY:  ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS:     Oral…

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ATTORNEY:  Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS:     The autopsy started around 8:30 PM

ATTORNEY:  And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS:     If not , he was by the time I finished.

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ATTORNEY:  Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS:     Are you qualified to ask that question?

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And last:

ATTORNEY:  Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS:     No.

ATTORNEY:  Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS:     No.

ATTORNEY:  Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS:     No..

ATTORNEY:  So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?

WITNESS:     No.

ATTORNEY:  How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS:     Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY:  I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS:     Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.