Not Getting There Is Half the Fun

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Well, we spent 90 minutes looking for the doctor’s office today and never found it, so the whole thing has to be rescheduled.

Have you noticed almost everybody lies about traveling time and distance? It’s ten minutes from here, the doctor said. Is he mad? It takes ten minutes just to go around the block. When it comes to how far away a destination is, nobody tells the truth.

Mapquest sent us left instead of right, and our doom was assured. We finally found this street that Mapquest said to look for. It was about 50 feet long with a couple of the-worse-for-wear houses on it, opposite a somewhat nasty-looking vacant lot. Not the kind of place I would choose, to set up a doctor’s office.

Now, driving in New Jersey any time, even when you know exactly where you’re going, is something less than a picnic. When you’re trying to find some wretched place by looking at street numbers, everybody else on the road succumbs to hornomania. They would like to kill you.

The air inside and outside the car begins to turn blue with profanity…

Try again next week. Meanwhile, everybody, thank you for your prayers.

Back from the Parkway

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This is what your eyes look like, after 100 miles on the Parkway.

It’s 112 miles, round-trip, to and from my sister’s house, most of it on the Garden State Parkway, and although the traffic wasn’t quite as bad as usual, it’s still what I would cal a long drive; and now that I’ve done it, my eyes are all oogy.

I try, I really try, to maintain a safe stopping interval between my car and the car in front of me. I may be the only driver in New Jersey who still tries to do that. A peek into the rear-view mirror tells me that mine is indeed an archaic attitude. I expect to have disturbing dreams tonight. But at least we got to see my brother and sister for a few hours.

I have had my cigar, and now y’know what I need, before I try to take a nap? A cat video! Let’s see if I can find a good one.