Helzapoppin’, out there in Scurveyshire! Lord Jeremy is preparing a ginsu-knife duel with himself. Johnno the Merry Minstrel has seen Black Rodney’s oversized black cat, always a harbinger of bad luck–and as if that weren’t enough, we now have a genius in our midst!
“This man is decades ahead of his time!” exults our author, Violet Crepuscular (“the Queen of Suspense”). “In fact, that’s his problem.”
We are not given his name. I suppose we can call him Mr. Genius. He has invented an electric toaster. All you have to do is plug it into the ground. That’s what’s wrong with it.
“Can I write suspense or can I write suspense!” ululates Ms. Crepuscular. If you have never heard anyone ululate before, you owe it to yourself to avoid it. “Which will happen first? Lord Jeremy’s mortal combat, or the genius getting his toaster to work?”
We have been asked exactly how large is the “oversized cat” seen by Johnno. Well, he hardly dared to measure it, didn’t he? His best estimate is “somewhere between the size of a well-bred koala and a narwal.” Thank you, Johnno, you’ve straightened us out.
Tune in next week for more virtually unbearable suspense.