‘Your Halloween Hot Line’ (2015)

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You know your town or college or mental hospital is under-funded if they don’t have a Halloween hotline. I mean, who you gonna call to find out whether your costume is [drum roll, please] offensive?

Your Halloween Hot Line

Your first mistake would be to try to appease the libs whom your costume has offended. It’s impossible. Like when you get rid of real racism, “systemic racism” kicks in. Having nothing to be offended about would offend them intensely. If you stood a large cardboard box on end and told them there was a person inside it, and this was his Halloween costume, they’d be offended by that.

So does your town have a Halloween hot line? Find out.