‘Let’s Talk Podiatrists!’ (‘Oy, Rodney’)

“Let’s talk podiatrists!” writes Violet Crepuscular, The Queen of Suspense, introducing Chapter DCCXII of her classic romance, Oy, Rodney. 

Just think of it: 712 chapters so far, and the book has gotten nowhere. There is a rumor that Ms. Crepuscular was actually T.S. Eliot writing under a pseudonym. She denies being T.S. Eliot. But then she would, wouldn’t she?

Of course, we can’t all be T.S. Eliot. And we’re NOT talking podiatrists now, are we?

Dr. Fratsky is going to rescue the Royal Millipede Inspector from the Picts, who have shanghaied him to Portugal. This is the very first time Picts have shanghaied anybody. The King of Portugal warns them not to make a habit of it.

“And that’s all I have on podiatrists this week,” Violet confides in her innumerable multitude of readers. She is clearly distracted by the Grand Opening of Shanghai Fix-U-Good, the town’s first Turkish-Chinese restaurant and shoe repair shop. The management is divided into mutually hostile factions. Patrons are urged not to get caught in the crossfire.