The Greatest Radio Play That Never Was

I’m feeling much better today, thank you. And I’ve had a rather vivid memory of something that never was, but really should have been. Have you ever had that experience?

This thing I vividly remember, but which never happened, is a feature-length radio play–a split-your-pants funny parody of The Hound of the Baskervilles starring Jack Benny and the cast of his regular weekly radio program, way back when.

[Note: If you’d rather have the story straight, and are a radio drama fan, I heartily recommend Jim French Productions’ The Hound of the Baskervilles, starring John Patrick Lowrie‘s absolutely perfect Basil Rathbone imitation as Sherlock Holmes.]

Really, I can just hear it in my mind’s ear. The Hound cuts loose with a horrifying howl, and Rochester as the Baskerville butler says, “Please tell me that’s just Lon Chaney out there, boss… trying to get back that two bucks you borrowed from him last Christmas.” And Jack Benny as Henry Baskerville replies, “I’ve already paid him this month’s installment!”

I’ve got Don Wilson to take over the Dr. Watson role, and Dennis Day, Mary Livingston, and Mel Blanc. But because Jack Benny himself would be perfect as Baskerville, I’m short a Sherlock Holmes. Rathbone was a guest on Benny’s program sometimes–we’ll get him to do it.

Mary to Jack: “As you value your reason and your life, Sir Henry, avoid the moor.”

Jack: “But it’s the shortest way to the Goodwill store!”

I’m sure you can dig it.

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