USDA to Grandma: Read the Kids Government Bedtime Stories

Oh, how I wish this was an April Fool’s joke! But it isn’t. Sadly enough, it’s true. See

In a project costing almost $9 million of your dollars, the USDA is offering grandparents a little book of government bedtime stories to “show how much they love and care about their grandchildren.” The storybook is called “The Two Bite Club” and you can read it here ( ).

In one of these tales from the government crypt, Gramma Cat plies her kittens with those irresistible dainties, “broccoli, yellow apples, low-fat yogurt, and ‘hard-cooked’ eggs.” If they try two bites of each, they get “a certificate of participation.” At the end of the story, a kitten says, “I am so proud of myself. I tried some new foods and I learned about My Plate.” Good job, kitty. You’re a genius.

You know, if my grandma had ever read me anything like that, I would have feared for her sanity.

Hey, if this works, we’ll probably see a lot more government bedtime stories. “Once upon a time, in a magical land called America, capitalist warmongers kept income unequal and made all the workers sad. But then along came a brave young prince named Lord Barack…”

In retrospect, I am amazed the USDA didn’t treat us to some healthy eating bedtime stories featuring “two moms” or “two dads.” And how about some Global Warming bedtime stories, while we’re at it?

Father in Heaven, I pray: please sweep away these people, and wipe their works off the face of the earth.

6 comments on “USDA to Grandma: Read the Kids Government Bedtime Stories

  1. Once upon a time there was a beautiful democracy called America. But there was something wrong. The people there were selfish and didn’t care about the environment. They were destroying the ozone layer and, with their reckless use of hair sprays and large vehicles, were causing Global Warming. The future of the whole world was at stake, so Lord Barack issued commands to his faithful servants concerning the things which were lawful and unlawful for his subjects to use …

  2. Hi Kevin I agree with your last point. However, it is just a fact that the grading you refer to is very often regarded as and communicated as a lesson observation grade

  3. When I was a child, I could spot a morality tale by the third paragraph, and if a story was a deliver mechanism for an agenda my eyes would glaze over and I would become visibly unenthusiastic. Winnie the Pooh had nice values of friendship and cooperation, but it was a series of stories with no overriding message.

    Some of the garbage we were fed in the school system was thinly veiled indoctrination and didn’t go over well with me, but there were some kids that thought it was great. These children grew up and passed their shallow values onto the next generation and nowadays we see the results all around us.

    Govt. bedtime stories; who could possibly think that this was a good idea?

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