Centaur Escapes from Government Raptor Facility

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Word has just come in that a male centaur has escaped from a Velociraptor breeding facility operated by the Internal Revenue Service in Ongs Hat, New Jersey. NJ State Police are on the hunt for the monster, which broke down a high-security picket fence and disappeared into the Pine Barrens.

Government emails dealing with the centaur, and with the day-to-day maintenance of the bloodthirsty dinosaurs, cannot be found.

Why was the IRS breeding raptors? “Don’t even ask!” says our confidential source. And why was an adult centaur being held captive at the raptor farm? “He didn’t pay his taxes,” says our source, “and they were going to make an example of him.”

The raptor farm is part of the IRS’s “Smart Growth” program, established for the purpose of finding new and unexpected ways to extract money from the American people. The facility at Ongs Hat costs $22 billion a year to operate.

“They’re going to have to get that centaur before he has a chance to talk about all the things he’s seen at the raptor facility,” said our source. “You know, they always underrate centaurs. Just because you have a horse’s a** doesn’t mean you are a horse’s ass! Let this one get hold of a Fox News reporter, and a lot of major figures in this government are not going to be around tomorrow.”

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