Let’s Ban Sledding!

Land of the free, home of the brave–now that’s irony.

In one of our latest displays of freedom and bravery, a number of American cities and counties have banned sledding ( http://news.yahoo.com/liability-concerns-prompt-cities-limit-sledding-150707212.html ). Gotta do it, you see, because somebody’s kid might sled into a tree and break a tooth, and then the parents sue the pants off the town.

As a New York lawyer put it in the news story cited above, people “expect government to prevent dangers whenever possible.” We the people of the United States of America, in order to prevent dangers whenever possible…

The city of Dubuque, Iowa, is the latest to ban sledding. There is some study that shows that, from 1997-2007, nationwide, some 20,000 kids a year wound up in the emergency room after getting hurt sledding. The seriousness of these “injuries” is not given.

But so what? Why don’t the courts just throw out these lawsuits? Accidents will happen, and nobody has to go sledding. You want to avoid sledding accidents, don’t sled. Oh, but that wouldn’t be compassionate!

It wouldn’t be compassionate to the lawyers, that’s for sure.

What a nation of schlubs we are: a race of fairies. Why don’t we just let the government ban everything, everything, that contains some element of danger? Except, of course, for aberrant sexual practices. We have a right to those. One might almost say a duty, to hear pwogwessives tell it.

Ice skating: you might fall down. Riding a bicycle: you might fall off. Fishing: you might hook yourself. Flying a kite: you might get it caught in a tree, and that could hurt your self-esteem.

I wish we could ban the banners.

5 comments on “Let’s Ban Sledding!

  1. Ban sledding??? No No NO, a thousand times, “NO !” People have so little imagination. Here is an opportunity just staring us in the face . Do not ban sledding . Instead, put peope to work. Teaching safe sledding. First, most necessary to understand the real extended accident/injury problem, so some critically detailed studies are needed. For such stidies I would suggest only those highest institutions of learning for this somewhat monumental endeavour . Think Harvard, Berkely, Yale. Proper studies should involve at least some years . Just think of the money poured into the economy, financing all the thesis efforts on the studies alone. For example, just one study could be titled, SAFE SLEDDING IS NECESARRY FOR PEOPLE, NOT OTTERS. The topics are endless. After the studies are studied through all the press/media studdiers, with input from all the appropriate studied sycophants, then the real task begins. Government rules and regulations. And that should be prioritized, because of the possible future waste ensuing, since before long WORLD WARMING will send all sleds the way of the buggy whip.

    From the rules and regulations, throughout the land new departments in the educational teaching faculty departments, to provide all the teaching experts for the public schools.

    Sled construction, care of the modern sled, sledding for the unitiated, the beginner, the intermediate, the kids, the adolescent, the adult, the senior, the challenged, the handicapped, the advanced, and for the just all out crazy slednut. Safe sledding areas, mounting the sled, guiding the sled, stopping the sled safely (tricky), and, finally, what to do in case of, heavenforbid, a crash. Into a tree, or a willow bush And, finally, for the less fortunate, or the fearful, Hollywood to our rescue . Prepare a good movie showing all the thrills of sledding . That could involve a few millions, and could be viewed in special sledding theatres, appropriately situated somewhere on the sledding hills, all financed from taxpaid funds from all the cities and towns who anyway would rather that people just do the sled experience in vicarious fashion, rather than in some risky unplanned way, endangering the whole community through crash ups and the costly aftermaths.

    Now, is it really neccesary to try to explain to the doubters the tremendous opportunity for aiding our rather sick economy by this process, one which could f employ thousands, tens of thousands, maybe millions of citizens in an endeavour so worthwhile in so many ways??

    Politicos, grab this opportunity, now.

  2. And this is only the beginning. Think of the endless possibilities for injury that occur in your kitchen by the careless use of paring knives, forks, to say nothing of the hot ovens in which food is baked and roasted. Someone manages to burn herself or himself, or suffer a cut from all those dangerous items stored there. What if someone slips on a bar of soap in the shower?
    Horrors! We need some guidance and rules from those wiser than the average “small-minded” American. This dilemma could reach far into the future to never-never land and keep studies enough for all of the “wiser heads” forever.

    1. I don’t know about you, but at various times in my life, I have found getting dressed in the morning to be rather hazardous. Especially getting dressed for work, to say nothing to getting dressed for sledding. Not too long ago, while balancing on one foot to put a sock on the other, I almost fell down. Imagine if I had slipped on the throw rug and got my head thrown against the dresser. And then there’s the risk that comes into play every time you use a zipper. I don’t know how the government can expect us all to face this danger, day in, day out.

  3. Yep, that is the main point. We are too feeble minded to be trusted to live. I have the same trouble getting dressed, taking objects down from high shelves (I am only 5 ft. 0 in.) and getting on a step stool is extremely hazardous- there’s gotta be a law.

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