How ‘Smart’ Are Your Light Bulbs?

How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb? Or should we be asking how many light bulbs it takes to change a liberal?

Hey, if you’ve got “smart” light bulbs in your house–and you should be very afraid when certain people use that word–the technological wizards of our age say these bulbs will synchronize with your TV system to make horror movies scarier ( ). Somehow your home lighting will fade in and out in conjunction with what’s happening on the screen in the remake of 12 Monkeys. (I saw the original when it came out, 20 years ago, and it made no impression on me whatsoever.) This process has already been pioneered with the broadcast of the immortal horror classic, Sharknado 2.

“Ooh, ooh, what a great idea! Let’s have some stranger out there controlling the lights in our homes! Oh, I just knew it’d be great, if we got smart bulbs!”

I dunno. I watch horror movies for relief. If you wanted to make them truly scary, plug in Michelle Obama, John Boehner, the idiot John Kerry, or Comrade Elizabeth Warren. That’d make the movies scarier.

Do you really, truly, honestly want someone, God knows where, messing around with stuff inside your home? You’re honest-to-gosh okay with that?

“But, dude, it’s new! It’s smart! It’s technology, man!”

You blocks, you stones, you worse than senseless things…

P.S. Sorry, can’t get the link to work. You’ll have to take my word for this one.

5 comments on “How ‘Smart’ Are Your Light Bulbs?

  1. Yes, all this “smart” stuff is driving me bonkers. Great Scott, what next!
    If you are referring to the twisty light bulbs, I have always thought they
    were the stupidest things I had ever seen. I have read that they are so dangerous, they have to have special disposal methods. How smart is that?

    1. Have you ever read the label on a pack of twisties? If you break one–and who never breaks a light bulb?–you have to evacuate your house or apartment and call a Hazmat team. And a few years ago, using these light bulbs would interfere with your computer, your TV, and other household electronics.

      “Smart,” when used by the wise men of this age, means “stupid.”

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