Category Archives: Movie Reviews

‘Three Cheers for Godzilla’ (2013)

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As bad as things are now, we don’t have *Batteries Not Included in the White House anymore and we didn’t wind up with Hillary. Every day give thanks for that.

And we still have Godzilla.

https://leeduigon.com/2013/11/27/three-cheers-for-godzilla/

The Bible tells us in no uncertain terms that God is not going to let the bad guys win. They were riding high in 2013. They had a great fall in 2016. It’s true that if we put the Democrats out of business, in a very short time another group of villains would arise to take their place. Their politics seeps out from the dark places in the human heart. This will always be with us, until Our Lord Jesus Christ sets His throne upon the earth. And then it will be with us no more.


‘The Best Movies That Were Never Made’ (2013)

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These are great movies that absolutely should have been made!

https://leeduigon.com/2013/01/15/the-best-movies-that-were-never-made/

Okay, anyone can play this game–imagine a movie you would have loved to see, but which never got made. We could have a lot of fun with this, if a bunch of you played along with me.

I just re-read Only in New England recently. Otto Preminger, how could you have let this one slip past you? Joseph Cotten, was your agent asleep? *Sigh* It would’ve been a classic.


Actor Thanks Satan (And You Watched This Because _______?)

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Did somebody leave the door unlocked?

Foreign actor Christian Bale, at the Golden Globe “awards” show the other night, said thanks to Satan “for giving me inspiration on how to play this role” (https://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture/awards/christian-bale-credits-satan-inspiration-how-play-dick-cheney-vice-n955506). Bale, not an American, played Vice President Dick Cheney in a two-hour-plus conservative-bash called “Vice.”

The masks keep falling off. Well, we’ve always known from whom the Far Left Crazy gets its inspiration. They used to hide it, but they don’t bother anymore.

How many nitwits watched that movie? How many millions of other nitwits have forgotten Cheney was vice president–if they ever knew it in the first place?

Let’s see… Pro-aborts chant “Hail, Satan!” Miley Cyrus urges people to worship Satan. And now this. Is there still any doubt as to where these people are coming from?

Back in the Seventies there was a horror film, The Sentinel, whose climax featured a whole mob of freaks and monsters pouring into the world through the unguarded gates of Hell. Somehow, watching and listening to Democrats in 2019 reminds me of that scene.

Enjoy it while you’ve got it, suckers.


Movie Review: ‘Death on the Nile’ (1978)

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We hadn’t seen this movie in several years, so we watched it the other day and it was just as wonderful as ever.

It isn’t always easy to get an all-star cast to work together, but in Death on the Nile, the stars are out in force. What a cast! Peter Ustinov as Hercule Poirot, supported by David Niven, Bette Davis, Mia Farrow, Lois Chiles, Maggie Smith, Simon MacCorkindale, Jack Warden, Olivia Hussey–whew! With Angela Lansbury, who won an Oscar for her portrayal of an alcoholic romance writer who’s seen better days. Fantastic performances all around.

And if you like movies with lavish sets, exotic locations, and a plot that twists and turns all over the place–well, this one’s for you. Want escape? This film’s got it. For 140 minutes, you’re out of here. Much, much better than the David Suchet remake.

In a little while, we’re going to follow our New Year’s custom of watching George Pal’s 1960 classic, The Time Machine. Followed by Patty’s heavenly pork casserole for supper.

Happy New Year, everybody!


Back to Narnia

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It’s only a few minutes past 1 p.m., and I want my Narnia! Patty gave me the BBC Chronicles of Narnia on disc, the whole series, and rather than just sit here and watch my work-load pile up before my very eyes, I’m going to light out for Narnia.

The still, above, is from The Silver Chair. The cast is interesting. The girl playing Jill Pole, Camilla Power, is still a busy actor on British TV, and in spite of all her other work, is still best known for her visit to Narnia–which she doesn’t mind a bit. We have Tom Baker (center) as Puddleglum: he’s best known for playing Doctor Who. And the boy playing Eustace, David Thwaite, I believe has gone on to be a lawyer. They don’t seem to have any lawyers in Narnia, so he wouldn’t have a lot of competition.

The big splashy new Narnia movies, replete with hi-tech special effects–well, sorry, but there’s just no comparison. They never have gotten around to making their version of The Silver Chair. The kid they had for Eustace, who was perfect in the role in their otherwise not-so-hot Voyage of the Dawn Treader, is now way too old to pass for Eustace. I wanted those movies to succeed, but they tinkered with the stories, plugged in a lot of “improvements” that were not improvements at all, and the whole project seems to be floating belly-up.

Oh, well. We still have these, from the 1980s, and they’re still just wonderful. Now that you can get them on easy-to-store discs… what are you waiting for?

Note: I’m pretty sure there’s a made-in-Hong Kong version of The Silver Chair. I’d love to see it, but so far it has eluded me.

P.S.–I have just discovered a trailer for a new movie of The Silver Chair–which is the first I’ve heard of it. I’m not convinced this movie will eventually be released, and not going to hold my breath waiting for it.

I’m sorry, but if that’s Jill and Eustace, I’m the Smith Brothers.


Zero Mostel as… Tarzan?

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Sometimes all it takes is just one wrong decision to overturn a zillion-dollar dream.

In 1969 Jidrool Pictures, according to my exclusive Hollywood sources (they’ve excluded practically everybody), raised $75 million to break into the big time with what was intended to be the biggest, best, and most bodacious Tarzan movie ever–Tarzan’s Revenge. Loosely based on two great novels, David Copperfield by Charles Dickens and Tarzan at the Earth’s Core by Edgar Rice Burroughs, Tarzan’s Revenge would feature state-of-the-art special effects and a script to knock your socks off.

And best of all, they hired a truly gifted big-name actor to play the title role.

Zero Mostel.

“He was a star!” explained ex-producer Monty Gavone. “Fiddler on the Roof! The Producers! Zero Mostel! He couldn’t miss!”

But as co-star Raquel Welch remembered it, “No matter what we did, it just wouldn’t work. Zero looked just awful in a loin cloth. He looked awful riding on a dinosaur. He looked even worse swinging through the trees on a vine. And his Tarzan ape-yell sounded like he was selling fish on some street corner in New York.”

One by one and two by two, the investors demanded their money back. The last straw was when Mostel accidentally shot himself with an arrow and then fell off the tree. The injuries weren’t serious, but they were serious enough to convince Mostel to quit. And by then the project had such dismal prospects that no one wanted to take his place in the role.

“Even Cecil Kellaway turned us down,” Ms. Welch recalled.

Today, the few surviving feet of footage (is that how you say it?) from Tarzan’s Revenge repose in a CIA vault, ready to be used against our country’s enemies.

 


Our First Date

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Today is the 42nd anniversary of our first date.

We were working at the old Bayshore Independent newspaper. Patty was the bookkeeper, I was managing editor. We went to dinner at The Islanders in Matawan, a super-nice Chinese restaurant; and they treated us like royalty, the proprietor being very happy with the restaurant review I wrote a few weeks before (thank you, Steve Wong, wherever you are). No, we didn’t have a spread quite like in the photo: there were only two of us. But we had the best.

Then we went to a movie, The Voyage of the Damned, and afterward to my softball team’s hangout, Sam’s Bar & Grill. Somewhere along the way, Patty mentioned the ancient Medes’ capital city, Ecbatana. That’s when I knew I was in love. You can’t easily find a woman who knows about Ecbatana.

All of these places that I’ve mentioned are now one with Ecbatana, but we’re still together. And tonight we hope to take a leisurely spin around town to admire everybody’s Christmas lights.


Tiny Tim’s Theme

This little melody is Tiny Tim’s theme in Scrooge, the 1951 Christmas classic starring Alistair Sim (which we watched yesterday). The toys in the shop window are all genuine antiques–although I think the big guffawing mechanical doll might have freaked me out when I was little. Anyhow, this tune has been part of our Christmas here for over 40 years, and I’d like to share it with you today.


‘Star Wars Umpteen: “The Farce Awakens”‘ (2015)

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Liquidator-ready Star Wars merchandise!

Yowsah, yowsah! The Star of Bethlehem–why, it was a spaceship! Ooga-booga!

Those spoilsports who said science fiction would rot your mind… Maybe they weren’t so far wrong, after all. Like for instance:

https://leeduigon.com/2015/10/19/star-wars-umpteen-the-farce-awakens/

Hey! Has there been yet another Star Wars movie since I wrote this? I’ve lost count. Now that I’m no longer a liquidator, I’ve lost any reason I had for keeping track of Star Wars movies.


‘Godzilla vs. Megalon’ (Hooray!)

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Yo! Next time you go on a picnic, be sure to take along a hand-held rocket launcher. It just might come in handy.

Here at Chez Leester, the cinematic classic, Godzilla vs. Megalon, is a day-after-Thanksgiving tradition, going back almost 40 years. What other movie can offer such a wealth of totally inexplicable situations? Like, the two guys in the garbage truck beat up and throw off a cliff the bad guy who was going to pay them for a job–and then go ahead and do the job anyway. What other movie screenplay can confidently state that the statues on Easter Island are 3 million years old?

But I don’t want to spoil it for you, just in case you decide to watch it, too.

Pure, unadulterated, totally cool silliness–try and beat that, Serious Mainstream Art Films!


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