Category Archives: Movie Reviews

Godzilla, Come Back!

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No, they’re not looking up at Godzilla. If only they were!

I shoulda known, I shoulda known… Serious Mainstream Litterature makes lousy movies.

We spent our afternoon watching Picnic at Hanging Rock, a movie by Peter Weir, based on a novel that’s this big cultural icon in Australia and therefore can’t be changed. It’s fiction done up as non-fiction. The author said she wrote it in two weeks. I believe it.

It’s about a girls’ school where they go on a picnic at this spooky place called Hanging Rock (a real place, actually), and three of the girls, plus one of the teachers, mysteriously disappear. One of them turns up later, but has no memory of what happened. That’s because it’s a movie in which nothing happens.

The author said she based it on a dream. Well, fine: I’ve used stuff from my dreams in some of my books. But no one sleeps long enough to dream up a whole novel!

That’s why this blamed thing isn’t a whole novel. It’s a story with a beginning, but no middle and certainly no end. It runs out of gas after the first 30 minutes and then fumfers around. We never find out why the girls disappeared, why the teacher disappeared too, why their watches stopped at noon, why one of the girls mysteriously reappeared. We never find out anything.

We could have watched Godzilla vs. Megalon! Say what you want about a Japanese monster movie: but at least it has a beginning, a middle, and an end. It doesn’t just strut around saying “I are Serious Mainstream Litterature!” and give you a big, loud raspberry for watching it.

I say this tarted-up pretense of a movie would have been infinitely better with a monster in it. I’ll go with Godzilla but I’d settle for Mothra. In fact, it would’ve been better with Abbot and Costello in it.

But they were too wise ever to get trapped in Serious Mainstream Cinematic Artsy-Fartsy poppycock.


‘Jurassic Park or Laurel and Hardy?’ (2013)

Image result for images of jurassic park t. rex is loose

Yeah, I know I reposted this last year, but I think it bears repeating. The dinosaurs are still getting loose and eating people, and Laurel and Hardy are still trying to lug the piano up the stairs.

https://leeduigon.com/2013/05/12/jurassic-park-or-laurel-and-hardy/

I admit that one of my difficulties is that, after the last ten years or so, I do find it very hard to believe that good things happen, too. It will take a long time to recover from the Obama presidency.


Fun for All Readers!

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I’ve just gotta know this: what was the worst movie you ever saw?

“Inknowable” is already aboard with “If Ever I See You Again,” but I knew he’d say that.

C’mon now, everybody–bring on the weltschmertz! Share your most appalling movie with the rest of us. Don’t be shy, hop right in. Share your pain! Give the rest of us something to laugh about. There’s nothing so funny as a truly abominable movie that you haven’t seen! Especially if it had really big, expensive stars in it.

And please feel free to describe the wretched thing, especially if you think a lot of us might not have heard of it. Vent! Let it all out.

I’m pretty sure this’ll be a lot of fun.


‘Another Stupid Movie in Which a Lot of People Get Killed’ (2013)

Don Castro in The Happening (2008)

You do wonder how a movie this bad can even get made. Like, when they watch the dailies at the end of each day’s family, does no one say, “Uh, this is turning into a load of poop”? Does no one read the screenplay and remark, “You know, of course, that this is witless babbling?”

https://leeduigon.com/2013/02/24/another-stupid-movie-in-which-a-lot-of-people-get-killed/

Meanwhile, Hollywood is getting set to clobber us with 16 comic book movies–16!–for the summer.


‘We’re Living in Jurassic Park’ (2015)

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(“Who’ve they got in there? King Kong?”)

Famous last words: “We’ve got it all under control!”

Remember Jurassic Park?  Hey, we’ve got the money, we’ve got the technology, we can do anything and everything we want!

https://leeduigon.com/2015/09/06/were-living-in-jurassic-park/

Only it never quite works out that way, does it?


I Review ‘Expelled’ (2008)

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Here’s another goody from the archive at Chalcedon’s shiny new website: my review of Expelled: The Movie, from 2008 when it first came out. A lot of you have mentioned it in passing, and have probably seen it. If you haven’t, track it down and enjoy it.

https://chalcedon.edu/resources/articles/a-review-of-expelled-the-movie

There’s a lot of stuff on http://www.chalcedon.edu/ that I didn’t write, and please don’t think I’m using this as an opportunity to show off. It’s going to take me time to learn my way around the site, and for re-posting here, I find it easiest to go to articles that I remember writing. In time I’ll branch out from there.

Meanwhile, I’m just doing what I can to help the new site find an audience, at least among my own blog audience. When you visit Chalcedon, I hope you’ll become acquainted with our other writers–and speakers, too: lots of video and audio available. Please feel free to dig in!


Rated PG for…’Historical Smoking’??

Image result for images of ted kennedy and chappaquiddick

Let’s see… U.S. Senator Ted Kennedy (Democrat, Massachusetts) picks up a girl at a party, gets drunk, and as they drive off together, the glorious leader drives into the water. He gets out and runs away, spends the night trying to think of a way to save his political career–while the girl, abandoned to her fate, slowly drowns. Our nooze media wound up calling Kennedy “the lion of the Senate.” Wonderful.

This is the subject of a newly-released feature film, Chappaquiddick. I think “Chappaquiddick” is a Native American word for ‘My political career is much more important than your life.’ And given the sheer seediness of the story, the film is rated PG…for Historical Smoking.

See, the story is from 1969 and some of the characters in it are shown SMOKING, Eeee-yahh! The horror, the horror! Give us sex, give us drownings, give us heartless narcissism on a silver platter

–but don’t show us anybody smoking! Millions of our kids are gonna die because they saw smoking in a movie!

Oh, please. We get this from the same crowd of Democrats who are pushing for the legalization of marijuana as if their lives depended on it. Colorado, California, New Jersey soon to follow–why, smoking pot is just okay!

And we get it from the same freaks in Hollywood who never met a sexual aberration that they didn’t like and want to foist on children. Imagine getting lectured on morality by some pervert from the Disney Corp. How insulting.

Now, I am sure to hear from some leftid who’s going to say, “You support smoking! You hate children! You want them all to die!”

So much nicer to abort them! And then sell the parts. And put the ones who are still alive into “comprehensive sex education” to teach them the joys of transgenderism.

I’ll give up my bad habit if you’ll give up yours.

 


‘Where’s God?’ (2012)

https://leeduigon.com/2012/08/11/wheres-god/

All “entertainment” is a form of self-education. We soak up lessons from the TV screen. We “know” certain things because we saw them in a movie or read them in a spy novel.

One of the things I have tried to do in my Bell Mountain books is depict a world in which “religion” is real and a part of everybody’s life, one way or another. The world inhabited by television characters is about 99% uninhabited by God or by people who believe in Him.

No such world has ever existed in real life; but our secular Culture-Killers are doing their damnedest to create one.

We can call it Hell.


My Review of ‘Risen’

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I don’t think I posted this article when it was published in our Chalcedon magazine; so here it is, in time for Easter.

https://chalcedon.edu/magazine/risen-2016-a-movie-review


‘Another Fantasy Flop’ (2012)

Don’t you get tired of this age? I sure do. Don’t you get tired of movies and books in which everybody stinks and nobody’s a hero?

We really do have to get out from under the spiritual yoke that self-proclaimed intellectuals have laid across our necks.

https://leeduigon.com/2012/09/09/another-fantasy-flop/


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