Category Archives: Movie Reviews

‘5 Films to Flush Your Brain'(2013)

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With unforgettable special effects!

I like schlocky horror movies. I admit it. They take my mind off the nooze.

5 Films to Flush Your Brain

Here are five films that might have been created especially for this time. Most of them involve monsters. You can say that about the House of Representatives, too.

I should have added Werewolf of Washington. It’s about a monster imitating a human being. As we’ve suspected all along…

 


More and More Ridiculous

Superhero - TV Tropes

So what have they done about systemic racism lately?

The Ban Everything movement has moved on to… superheroes, in a piece written by some airhead at Time Magazine (https://www.foxnews.com/media/time-magazine-superheroes) who does not appear to understand that superheroes aren’t real.

Yep, superheroes need “a cultural reckoning,” she babbled, blaming “superhero creators for being white men”–forsooth, for being (gasp!) “straight white men.” So the world needs “more creators of color,” yatta-yatta. Uh, so who’s stopping “creators of color” from creating their own superheroes?

Our existing superheroes, she complained, are “vigilantes” who “decide the parameters of justice” without any oversight committee to ride herd over them.

Superheroes are dull, annoying, and vapid at their best. People used to outgrow them, but not anymore. But to make them even more dull, annoying, and vapid, this lulu at Time sez superheroes from now on ought to “reckon with issues of systemic racism”–which is imaginary, and only Far Left Crazy types believe in it–along with other burning issues like transphobia, homophobia, and phobophobia, etc.

Assorted “critics” have objected to this essay, perhaps moved by a suspicion that bad movies should not be made worse. A movie which you watch to relax shouldn’t be turned into a nagathon. It shouldn’t pepper you with woke crapola.

What do we have to do to shut these people up?

Honk if you think we need to bring back the ducking stool.


Why Our Marriage Works

Clockwise (1986) - IMDb

We want to go easy on the nooze this weekend, because, heck, it’s all bad, a major chunk of it is lies, and our spirits need a rest. So we will watch a movie this afternoon.

But which movie? Patty couldn’t find a horror movie that appealed to us, so she got to thinking, “Maybe a comedy.” I heard her say that and got to thinking about comedies we know we would enjoy.

Just as I was thinking, “How about Clockwise, with John Cleese? That’ll give us some laughs,” she said, “How about Clockwise?”

“Holy moly, I was just about to say that!” I answered. “You took the words right out of my mouth. Well, we have to watch it now!”

This happens with us again and again, even to the point of both of us saying the same thing at once, as if we’d rehearsed it. We are both convinced that this is a sign of a good marriage. I mean, out of the thousands of comedies we might have mentioned, we both call for this one movie? How cool is that?

Please feel free to join us! It’s a really funny movie, available for rental on amazon.com.


‘William the Conqueror’s Favorite Movie’ (2017)

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Waddaya mean? Like, the dude was on TV!

You have to expect people to go a little overboard at the end of a millenium. Remember Y2K? Here is one of the calmer facets of the craziness.

William the Conqueror’s Favorite Movie

Yes, the quest to decide “The Movie of the Millenium”–how many brain cells got shorted out, puzzling over that? I’m amazed that hasn’t become a degree program at half a dozen different colleges.


Sweet & Benign: ‘One More River’

I haven’t posted this sweet and harmless kiddies’ song lately–One More River to Cross. And I wish I knew the name of this singer, but I don’t.

Heads up: we just wasted an afternoon watching a Dutch movie called The Vanishing. It was supposed to be a thriller, but it only turned out weird and unwholesome. So avoid it. Run, don’t walk, to the nearest exit.

This little song is much more edifying.


When Your Republic Fails

This is what you get when your republic fails. Lunatics who think they’re gods, absolutely drunk with power and insatiable for more. Most of them go on to be mass murderers. Who’s to stop them?

This is John Hurt in his unforgettable role as Caligula, the crazy-as-a-bedbug Roman emperor who thought he was a god. From the BBC’s award-winning series, I, Claudius.

Again, learn it well: This is what you get when your republic fails.


M. Obama Says Her Babies Killed Her ‘Aspirations and Dreams’

TheRightRant: Michelle Obama loves to spend your money

Her husband, the worst president ever, once said abortion is how girls and young women “fulfill their dreams.”

Now, in a recently-released Netflix toady-flic, Michelle Obama has blamed her children for–well, it sounds like ruining her life. “The thing that really changed it [her life] was the birth of our children,” the former Worst Lady said. “Something had to give and it was my aspirations and dreams” (https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/michelle-obama-says-she-gave-up-her-aspirations-and-dreams-to-have-children).

Who in his right mind is going to sit there and watch a thing like that? (Not many, I’ve heard: but the Internet is curiously devoid of any reports on the movie’s reception.) And why didn’t they just get the kids aborted, and thus fulfill her dreams?

Wouldn’t you say she had a pretty good run, though? No-show job worth several hundred thou. Wife of the president. Spent boxcar-loads of public money on herself: at least $85 million on personal travel and vacations alone (https://www.mcclatchydc.com/news/politics-government/white-house/article123335079.html). Looks to me like she’s had a damned fine time at our expense.

I do feel sorry for the daughters for having had to hear this from their, er, mother.


‘A Tale of Two Hobbits’ (2014)

Martin Freeman in The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)

What do people “know” because they saw it in a movie?

Well, they think they know J.R.R. Tolkien’s story of The Hobbit. But in fact, they don’t.

https://leeduigon.com/2014/12/22/a-tale-of-two-hobbits/

Had Tolkien been alive when the movie-makers began their assassination of his story, he would have objected strenuously and probably sued them. That bit about the Dwarf and the Invincible Female Elf-Warrior falling passionately in love–that might’ve killed him on the spot. Life is hardly worth living anymore, if they can make up such a monstrosity and successfully blame it on you.

But if you think you’re learning anything from movies–well, you’re not. Not by a long shot.


Vanishing Hunters (Movie Review)

You’d think if anyone would be relatively safe in the wilderness, it’d be a hunter–experienced, knowledgeable, well-equipped, and armed with one or more weapons.

But you’d be wrong.

David Paulides has devoted years of research to more than 1,000 cases of people going missing in our national parks and wilderness areas. He has many videos on Youtube and this, Missing 411: The Hunted, is his full-length feature film focusing on hunters who have disappeared, with detailed examinations of five of the most puzzling cases. We rented it on Youtube.

Forget puzzling. These are downright mystifying. One missing hunter must have reached a place from which he could see a road, water, and buildings–safe at last!–only he never made it any farther. Sometimes the searchers find the bodies; sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they find bodies or discarded gear in places that they’ve already searched, finding nothing. It’s as if someone or something has returned to deposit those items there, after the initial search.

It’s so weird! The search and rescue teams do all that can be done, sometimes involving hundreds of searchers plus dogs, helicopters, and drones. Some of the most thorough searches prove futile. Sometimes the hunter vanishes without a trace. Other times they find his gear left in very unlikely places. At one of the locations from which a hunter inexplicably disappeared, there seemed to be a complete absence of wildlife. Not so much as a squirrel. No one could explain it; there was no reason for it.

We can presume that hunters know it’s a really bad idea to go wandering off alone into perilous terrain. It’s probably a bad idea just to be alone in the wilderness, period. But in one of these cases, a woman hunting deer on her own property, in Ohio–close enough to a nearby high school football field that she could hear the band practicing–saw something in the woods that she could only describe as “like the Predator, in that movie”–and which she then somehow managed to “forget”–forget?–for a few hours, until someone accidentally jogged her memory. Do these encounters mess with your mind?

These disappearances have occurred in national parks and wilderness areas all over the country. After all his years of study, Mr. Paulides makes no attempt to say “Here’s what I think is happening!” He simply presents the cases as he finds them; and no one he interviews is bold enough to trot out any kind of answer.

No one knows what’s making these hunters disappear. And that’s kind of a scary situation, isn’t it?

 


A Very Good Scary Movie

The Innkeepers ~ Trailer - YouTube

Some of us love ghost stories. I love them because they blow out the cobwebs and then they’re over–they don’t just go on and on and on, like socialism or the Drag Queen Story Hour. When the story’s over, it’s over. It won’t be there tomorrow.

The Innkeepers, from 2011, gave us some honest frights when we watched it last night. Real goosebumps. They did it without gory slasher schiff; in fact, the scariest parts of the movie were not scenes in which you actually saw something scary, but those scenes that made you anticipate seeing something really awful. That’s not an easy effect to achieve.

Sara Paxton and Pat Healy play Claire and Luke, the two young caretakers of the Yankee Peddlar Hotel, which is about to go out of business and therefor has only a couple of guests. To stave off boredom, Claire and Luke investigate a tradition that the hotel is haunted. That turns out to be a really bad idea.

Kelly McGillis is there as a formerly famous actress who’s now a New Age guru. Claire should have taken her advice. Then again, I’m not a psychic and I’d say “Don’t go down into the cellar,” too. You don’t need to be a psychic to see that things at the old hotel are getting very pear-shaped very fast.

I think I can promise that The Innkeepers will give you a few good jolts. The acting is superb and the sets are captivating. And it’ll make you forget all about the nooze for 90 minutes or so.


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