Rent-a-Gay to the Rescue!

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If you’ve had occasion lately to visit townhall.com or National Review Online, you may have noticed supposedly conservative columnists, when they aren’t actually curled up in a posture of total and abject submission, frantically trotting out an army of unnamed “gay friends.” What does that mean? Let me translate:

“I have lots and lots of gay friends! That means it’s okay for me to advocate for just a reasonable little bitty amount of religious freedom without being publicly roasted as a Hater and stripped of my livelihood.” As long as you have gay friends, I guess it means you’re allowed to take very cautiously conservative stands on social issues.

Only trouble is, gays being such a micro-minority, there just ain’t enough of ’em to go around! Apparently everybody needs at least one gay friend these days, to show the world his heart’s in the right place and to avoid being dragged before one of those “human rights” agencies and stomped on.

Recognizing the demand, our friends at American Stunata Corp. have recruited hundreds of gay men, lesbians, and trans-whatsits to be rented out as “Gay Friends at Need.” Try our special introductory offer! For a low monthly fee of $250, a certified Gay Person will testify–any time, anywhere–that he or she is your friend! That way, maybe the news media and the human rights agencies don’t force you to sell your house…

Remember–if you’re a Christian who owns a small business, it’s open season on you 12 months of the year! You can’t afford to do without Rent-a-Gay. Sign up today!