I am Entitled…

I am the greatest basketball player in the world, and I am entitled to be recognized as such by each and every one of you. Or else I’ll report you to the Human Rights Commission.

The video proves my claim–just watch! I’m the guy making all those baskets and blocking all those shots. Whoever filmed it mistakenly said it was Wilt Chamberlain when all the time it was me, Lee Duigon. Anyhow, there never was a Wilt Chamberlain. It was always me.

That’s a fact–because I say so. I am entitled to my own facts. And instead of writing me off as crazy, you should all be elbowing each other out of the way to curry favor with me. Build rest rooms specially for me! Allow me to use the women’s showers whenever I please. Invent new pronouns and force college and high school kids to use them. Above all, remember to call me “Wilt” and constantly praise my basketball prowess. Anybody who doesn’t is a bigot and a hater and an enemy of the human race.

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