I admit I don’t understand humans at all.
Hi! It’s me, Byron the Quokka, and this is my first nooze post. I’ve seen Lee do it hundreds of time–how hard can it be? Even Joe Collidge can do it!
Anyhow, you humans should all watch out because there is an Evolutionary Paradox out there that will do you in if you take pills to grow hair! (https://www.bbc.com/news/health-48396071) As you have probbly guessed, there are no bald quokkas–I mean, would that look weird or what? Like that cool show with William Shatner, all about The Unexplained–
Whew! Caught myself getting sidetracked. Mustn’t do that!
We once found an Evolutionary Paradox here on our island, it was disgusting and all the quokkas were afraid of it. I forget what it was. This one that has just been discovered in the nooze, though, is much worse–for humans, that is. These men with gigantic big muscles and lots and lots of hair, it turns out they can’t buy fertilizer. Something about their wives can’t have babies. Well, we told you that you need a pouch for that, didn’t we? Otherwise there’s no place to put the baby when you’re not using it.
There is also something in the story about “male beauty,” but we quokkas find such discussions to be in very poor taste.
And that’s the morning news! Easy as pie!