More False Facts to Wow Your Friends

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Are you tired of sitting alone in a corner, and no one ever wants to listen to you?

Help is here! With your new set of False Facts 3.0, become a fount of information virtually overnight! You’ll know things that nobody else knows, and people will flock to hear you speak. All you need is False Facts 3.0–and the ability to deliver them in a convincing manner that defies dissent. It’s not just what you way: it’s also the way you say it.

Here are a few samples from our newest set. Just trot ’em out and wow your friends.

*The original national anthem of Burma was “I’m an Old Cow-hand from the Rio Grande,” but that was changed in 1957.

*Julius Caesar was actually a woman.

*Radium is good for you! That’s why they used to make toothpaste out of it–until Big Dentistry got it banned because it was putting dentists out of business.

*The Liberian hamster eats twice its weight in horseradish every day.

*Article VIII, Section 4 of the United States Constitution establishes a right to daily entertainment provided by the federal government.

Just take a deep breath, stand tall, and lay ’em out there without batting an eye. You’ll be amazed by how many people believe you!

False Facts 3.0 is available at Rite-Aid for only $499.99. Get yours today!

8 comments on “More False Facts to Wow Your Friends

  1. False Facts 2.0 is pretty good also, and now discounted by 20% if you mention Lee Duigan’s name. Here are some gems from 2.0: Abraham Lincoln was a vegan; King George III really wanted the American colonies to win; Buzz Aldrin was really the first man on the moon (he wrote his initials in the dirt, but Michael Collins jealously denies it); and Yoko Ono played the drums on the White Album recordings when Ringo Starr was out of town.

  2. The first one is too obvious. Everyone knows that Burma’s national anthem was changed from “I’m an Old Cowhand from the Rio Grande” in 1956, not 1957. Tschh.

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