[Editor’s Note: I cannot find the image of a book cover that is usually displayed with an ‘Oy, Rodney’ episode. The closest I could come was this picture of a Tanystropheus–which I admit is not that close, but what can one do?]
Chapter CDXXXII of Violet Crepuscular’s epic romance, Oy, Rodney, finds Lord Jeremy Coldsore and his fiancee, Lady Margo Cargo, both locked up in gaol, Constable Chumley having arrested them for reasons best known to himself. But behind the scenes, Lady Margo’s crusty old butler, Crusty, is plotting to break his mistress out of gaol.
All he needs is an elephant.
“Only an elephant is big and strong enough to break down the wall of the gaol so Lady Margo can get out,” he confides to Constable Chumley (of all people). Chumley happens to know where he can rent an elephant. There’s a man in Plaguesby who keeps a few in his stables.
Having rented the elephant and fortified her with a swallow of grog from The Lying Tart, Crusty and the constable turn her loose on the wall. Neither of them has remembered to forewarn Lady Margo, who is almost killed when the elephant batters down the wall.
“Hurry up, you lazy old bat!” cries Crusty. “Before the police come!” He then remembers that Constable Chumley is already there. They have to help Lady Margo out of the rubble–she will need a new upholstered wooden leg–and Crusty helps her hop back home.
In the adjacent cell, Lord Jeremy is beside himself.
“You just wait until the next time you ask me for a raise!” he bellows at the constable. “You copepod! You wretch!” Only then does it dawn on Chumley that he may have done something not strictly in accord with normal police procedure. He apologizes with genuine exfoliation (her word, not mine!).
“Ayn yerk nee fluzzin’, M’lord!” he groans.
“Oh, forget it!” growls Lord Jeremy.
About that book cover — Too bad you don’t do Photoshop, or you could put white tube socks on the Tanystropheus. I think he’d (or she’d? I’m not well versed in Tanystropheusology) look cute in them.
A propeller hat might be nice, too.
Scurvyshire reminds me of a place I used to work, except that they weren’t quite that competent in the workplace. Kudos to Violet for working the word “copepod” into the story. Just another hallmark of great literature.
Very few romance writers ever get to use that word.
There’s nothing common about Violet.
Violet Crepuscular may be on to something combining such spellinding action and heroism with romance. With today’s special effects, the elephant breakout would make for spectacular entertainment. Even better, if Crusty could have used an Tanystropheus.
The Tanystropheus is being reserved for the climax of the story. I’m pretty certain that will be chapter googolplex + 7. 🙂
That may be the chapter where we find out more about those tube socks.