Jackalope’s Rampage (‘Oy, Rodney’)

When we concluded Chapter CDLVI of Violet Crepuscular’s epic romance, Oy, Rodney, monsters were ravaging Scurveyshire and Lady Margo Cargo’s wig was on fire. No wonder they call Violet the Queen of Suspense.

Then along comes Chapter CDLVII, which was all about some dopy cousin of hers who used to sit in mud puddles. Ah! But Chapter CDLVIII looks promising! It opens with the American adventurer, Willis Twombley, who thinks he’s Sargon of Akkad, strapping on his six-guns. I’m sorry, but I don’t think he looks like this:

Johnno the Merry Minstrel, who is horse de combat because of the hydra (bit one of his arms off, actually), waylays Willis in the hall. “Twombley!” he pristulates. “Where are you going, man?”

“I’m a-goin’ to plug me that jackalope,” he explains. “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Can’t let the critter eat everybody’s vegetables.” He cannot be persuaded to tackle the hydra instead. He may be crazy, but he’s not stupid.

It has been discovered that the name of the jackalope is Jack. Twombley will bear that in mind as he moves toward the fateful confrontation. Ennio Moriconne music plays in the background. It’s almost impossible to dance to Ennio Moriconne music, as Lady Margo and Lord Jeremy soon discover. Lady Margo removes her wig, now a blacked handful of ash.

“Jack!” Twombley’s voice rings out. “I’m callin’ you out, Jack!”

And out from the vicar’s kitchen garden hops–oh, the suspense! How the dickens can she leave it hanging there? A reader’s gonna get you for that, one of these days…