My Writer’s Vows (With Karate Kick Fails)

I have taken writers’ vows today. Let me list them. We also have video of failed karate kicks.

As a fantasy novelist in good standing, I promise:

Never, ever, to resort to jumpin’ spinnin’ kicks in any action sequence I describe.

Never, ever, to use “they” as a substitute for “he” or “she.”

Never to allow any of these stock characters to appear in my books: the hulking barbarian hunk who gets a lot of sex; the crusty but benign old wizard; the invincible female warrior; the know-it-all elf… or any others that might occur to me later.

Never to create really stupid and incompetent villains, just to let my main character easily get the better of them.

Never, ever, to write “ya” for “you.”

Never to borrow quotes or expressions from contemporary politicians and celebrities.

I am highly motivated to keep these promises, even if readers beg me to do otherwise.


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