Volcano Threatens Scurveyshire! (‘Oy, Rodney’)

a gripping page-turner headed for the top of the NY Times bestseller list | Romance novels, Funny romance, Book parody

Does your group have more cavities than theirs? Is it a breath mint or a candy mint? How do you get rid of waxy build-up on your kitchen floor?

The Queen of Suspense wants to know.

“As serious as these problem are,” she confides in the reader, introducing Chapter DXLIX of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, “they do have one thing in common. They are about to become irrelevant!”

(Well, gosh, I could’ve told you that and I’m only the editor. Nobody listens to me.)

She taps Johnno the Merry Minstrel to deliver the news to Scurveyshire. Johnno is the only one who can make it rhyme. Sort of.

“We have a volcano about to erupt,/ and stifle the honest, wipe out the corrupt/, and pump out lots of lava to bury the shire:/ it’s news of the worst kind, for the whole quacking shire!” Eat your heart out, Wordsworth.

Mt. Scurveyshire has never erupted before. It’s never even been a proper mountain. If you’re looking for something like this, forget it.

Vulcanic eruption on postage stamp of Papua New Guinea Stock Photo - Alamy

The American adventurer who thinks he’s Sargon of Akkad, Willis Twombley, solemnly shakes his head and thoughtfully fires a few shots into the air. “Old Hammurabi,” he soliloquizes, “always said those volcanoes in New Guinea were the worst–you never know where they’ll turn up next.”

Still reeling from his duel with Ginsu knives, against himself (it was a draw), Lord Jeremy Coldsore stares piercingly at Twombley. “Don’t New Guinea volcanoes just stay in New Guinea?” he inquires.

“That’s where you’re wrong, old hoss!” Twombley ululates.

Here the Queen of Suspense shuts down the chapter. To create more suspense. I ought to publish her phone number.

7 comments on “Volcano Threatens Scurveyshire! (‘Oy, Rodney’)

  1. People keep ululating in Scurveyshire. Maybe that’s what’s causing Mt. Scurveyshire to erupt.

    1. You’ve been spending too much time reading Violet’s works. It’s known to have an effect on the mind. 🙂

    2. Well, yeah, look at me! June is about to start, and I haven’t started writing my next book yet. Because I haven’t got the foggiest idea how!

      Can I blame this on ‘Oy, Rodney’?

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