The Immortal Doris Pokeweed (‘Oy, Rodney’)

Will Lord Jeremy Coldsore be whisked into the 20th century as June Taylor’s toy boy? Or will the June Taylor Dancers simply continue as the new tyrants ruling Scurveyshire? And what about Lady Margo Cargo, who is about to lose her fiancee?

Only Violet Crepuscular, “The Queen of Suspense,” can straighten out this mess! After all, she made it.

Introducing Chapter DCLXXIII of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, Ms. Crepuscular treats her readers to a recipe for toothpaste sausages. This is not helpful. But she soon gets back into the story: Lady Margo Cargo has appealed to the legendary Doris Pokewood, who rode with Boudicca and bowled with Francis Drake. One cannot do such things without becoming a legend.

“Be thwan yer backus,” she reassures Lady Margo, speaking in the quaint rural dialect which survives in Scurveyshire alone. Everywhere else, they’ve gotten rid of it. However, Lady Margo is greatly comforted when she sees Doris snatch up her fabled oaken rolling pin and stride boldly into the midst of the Dancers. They don’t await further developments; they have last been seen fleeing to Tannu Tuva–and from there, back to their own time and place. Lord Jeremy proclaims a Doris Pokeweed Day. The shire celebrates cautiously.

“See?” concludes Violet. “Was that so hard? Not to mention it was the origin of our own annual Pokeweed holiday!”

One can only stand in awe. There is a rumor that this might be the end of the whole novel. We shall see.