[Thanks to Andrea for the nooze tip.]
The New Authorized Copernican Globalist Bible! It’s supposed to be a satire; but take it from me, I write satires: sometimes the satire turns out to be a little too close to home and a lot of people don’t recognize it as a satire.
Years ago, I wrote a satire featuring a New Utopian Translation of the Bible–‘the NUT Bible, for short. Unfortunately, a pastor out in Washington State took it for a real thing and delivered a sermon blasting it. But he had some questions for me, and got in touch with me to see if I could tell him where he could get a copy.
As I was explaining to him how I made it all up, as a satire, he suddenly asked, “Oh, no–what have I done?” An honest man, he accepted all the blame for delivering a sermon that had his congregation talking to themselves.
This “scientifically accurate” globalist hogwash (see the video) pokes fun at yo-yos who make an idol of Science and promise “a purified version” of the Bible. It’s really quite well done–and I guess that’s what went wrong with it.
I’ve been there myself.
amazing how so many people are so confused about so much.
That video satire does sound believable, especially if you don’t watch the end. There is so much crazier stuff going on now, it’s hard to know what to believe. A couple of weeks ago, a friend sent me an article about the giant obelisk in St. Peter’s Square in the Vatican disappearing overnight. He believed it might have happened. The article turned out to be an April Fool’s Day joke.
Where would they hide a giant obelisk?
If you want to hide a tree, take it to a forest. If you want to hide an obelisk, take it to a used obelisk sales lot. ::
They paid me good money to hide it in my basement.
I don’t believe it was meant to be satire, but simply portrays the way most Christians handle that issue, and answer those questions.
If you watch that video on YouTube, there is a great deal more text explaining how the scriptures would be worded. And low and behold, wonder of wonders, that is how most, even astronomers, Christian or not, and people like Ken Ham and his Answers in Genesis ministry, and all similar organizations answer and deal with that issue.
There is no “New Authorized Copernican Globalist Bible,” nevertheless, that illustration, of how it would be changed and written, is not satire! And isn’t that, how most of those who read this post, would answer their children, if they asked those questions?
“For example, Genesis 1:16 now reads in the NKJV: “Then God made two great lights: the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night. He made the stars also.” If this verse were taken at face value, one might think the moon has its own light and that the stars are entirely different than the sun. This is especially true when the prophets and even the greatest prophet Jesus seem to echo this archaic idea. To prevent any confusion, the verse will now read: “Then God made two great lights: the greater light to rule the day, and the lessor light to reflect the sun and rule the night. God also made many more great lights in the ever-expanding universe. These he called stars.” Another major error God purposely included when describing the universe was the movement of the sun. Again, he was merely using phenomenological language that the people would understand. We know better now, thanks to men like Copernicus, … Isaac Newton, Einstein, and Neil deGrasse Tyson … Knowing that God wants a pure word — we want to help make the Bible reflect that truth. So, all references to the sun moving or standing still will be changed to make them more truthful and Scientifically Accurate. In the NKJV, Ecclesiastes 1:5 reads: “The sun also rises, and the sun goes down, And hastens to the place where it arose.” The purified version will read, “The sun also appears to rise and go down, and hasten to the place where it arose. But it is actually the earth spinning on its axis that creates this illusion.” Poetry doesn’t really need to be Scientifically Accurate in the Bible because it is not a historical genre per se. But we felt it was necessary to make it more accurate anyway. We had a real conundrum with Joshua, Habakkuk, and some of the other historical books (even Genesis for that matter) — but we chose to stay faithful to the science. God must have had good reason to record historically inaccurate information in the Bible. We just need to trust him. According to the NKJV: “The sun stood still, And the moon stopped, Till the people had revenge Upon their enemies … So the sun stood still in the midst of heaven, and did not hasten to go down for about a whole day.” Yet, we know that’s impossible on a globe. We have corrected all confusion so the verse will now read: “The earth stopped it’s rotation around the sun, And the moon stopped its rotation around the earth, until the people had revenge upon their enemies. So the sun appeared to stand still in the midst of heaven, and the earth stopped spinning for a whole day.” We trust the New Authorized Copernican Globalist Bible …”
It’s too bad, most don’t believe the Bible, when it clearly states, the sun and moon stopped, and not the earth! No, most choose to stay faithful to science and rely fully upon science, and not scripture to explain these kinds of issues.
They seem to be saying it’s OK for the earth to stop moving! What a load of crap.
Satire today is tricky because some things you just can’t make up – like Hunter Biden not paying federal taxes on over a million dollars he earned, and nothing happens to him.
I’m waiting for him to be appointed to the Supreme Court, along with Chelsea Clinton.