I am chagrined to report that there is no Oy, Rodney chapter this week. Violet Crepuscular, the Queen of Suspense, has let us down. Gettin’ so you can’t count on anything, ain’t it?
She pleads to her uncountable hordes of readers throughout the civilized world: “Honest, it’s not my fault! It’s all because of some evil little book I made the mistake of reading–Inanimate Objects They Are Out To Get You, by some guy who digs up tombs in Egypt! He convinced me that my blender is only waiting for the chance to chop my hand off!”
Inanimate objects–like silverware, household appliances, toys, and furniture–get up to all kinds of mischief when you’re not there. The floor lamp will give them ample warning, should any human or animal approach. Then they put everything back the way it was. Well, that’s what Karl Schmegegge says in his 1,200-page book. Don’t blame me if it sounds a bit off-balance.
“Really, I was far too upset to write any fiction this week,” Ms. Crepuscular confides in her readership. “Mr. Pitfall came over to watch jai-alai and found me face-down on the floor! It was all he could do to drag me out to the back yard and put me in the hammock. He avoids my bedroom, which, I am sorry to say, holds some bad memories for him.”
(And that’s all we’ve got till next week. Sorry!)
She’s finally onto something. There’s a chunk of granite out in my yard that’s definitely out to get me. 🙂