Trying to get her act back together, Violet Crepuscular, The Queen of Suspense, embarks on Chapter DCCXIV (give or take a few) of her classic tale of sorcery, revenge, war, and hitherto unheard-of personality quirks. She addresses her readers:
“I am very sorry to have let my narrative falter, these past few weeks,” she precorrugates. “Writing about Picts always does that to me. When they abducted the Royal Millipede dude, my coccyx just about fell off! But let us see whether Dr. Fratsky, the podiatrist, can save him.”
In no time at all she reports that she is unable to find Dr. Fratsky. “He must’ve been called out in an emergency,” she writes. “This is, after all, Victorian England. Podiatric emergencies were all too common then. That’s what got Jack the Ripper started.”
That controversial statement already has the podiatrist community up in arms, and the confounded thing hasn’t even been published yet. There are also some readers in Ohio who are annoyed by the title of the chapter, which they say is misleading.
Do we sense this epic drawing near its end? And who put the Rodney in Oy, Rodney? You’d think she’d settle these things before wrote “finis” to the book.
I must say, I found that chapter title a bit unnerving, myself. I’ve known podiatrists, and they can be very tricky.
You have to be tricky if you’re going up against the Picts.