From June 24, 2019
The newest Democrat candidate for president wants the government to pay college tuition for cats or dogs or any other pets that people might want to send there for a higher education.
“Who said college was only for people?” demanded Agrippina Fullavit, a village councilwoman from Pyongyang, Illinois–one of the few illegal aliens to be elected to public office in America. “Why should only humans get degrees in Gender Studies or Superhero Studies?
“This is the richest country in the world, and it ought to be the best-educated, too! Not only our people, but our pets! Cat, dog, hamster, goldfish–end the inequality now!”
Ms. Fullavit has a pet eel, Chuck, who, she says, is earning a degree in Neo-Marxist Palmistry at Groin Community College. “The tuition is hard to bear,” she said, “so it’s only right that the federal government should bear the cost of a truly universal higher education. All we have to do is tax the rich!” Ms. Fullavit herself is working toward a degree in Tic-Tac-Toe, but her education is already being funded by a federal loan.
An eel majoring in palmistry is a wondrous thought, odds wot. I assume not on other eels, unless they’re trans eels who have not yet undergone palmectomies.
What a hoot – education for owls! Since dogs have the I.Q. of a two year old human, they should do quite well in today’s higher education facilities.
They might be overqualified, though.
Good trick, Lee. You ask us to write our own nooze story in the comment section, then don’t allow for comments. Is this some kind of test? Maybe that last satire about pets getting free education blew a brain fuse. 🙂
Oh, fap! Let me fix that. Toldja I was tired.
WordPress has given me “comments disabled” as the default position, and I have to un-disable them with every post. I’m afraid to ask them to fix it, lest they replace it with a worse problem.
Why not? Free, and meaningless. 🙂
hate to say it, but I do oppose the free college for all idea. We are approaching the prospected that a college degree is boarder line worthless. The job market is so glutted with degrees that the value is significantly watered down. Inflationary in every sense of the word.
https://invertedlogicblog.wordpress.com/2019/08/26/polemics29-free-college-tuition-sounds-good-in-theory-but/
Absolutely right! Plus things that people get for free wind up not having much value to them.
I can certainly agree with you there. You have to work for something to truly value it.
I reiterate. Six years plus, later, when everyone has an MBA, an MBA becomes meaningless.