See? It is Ether “his” rihght Hand oar his Lefft Hand witch is mising, Alfrid Hich-coke Cut “it” offf whith a soard!!!!
Robbie the cat is lying on top of my notes and I haven’t got the heart to move her. This vintage “Joe Collidge” piece is the only title peeking out from under the cat.
Well, we can always use a good laugh. It’s a gift from God.
And now the cat gets up and walks away!
Happy Sunday, everybody.
From August 1, 2025
Yowch! That hurt!
I gotted stinged By a Wassp today “and” it reely Hurt!!!
And “then” I fowned Out the Wassps thay “are” Radio Active!!! That’s why yiu heer all that Buzzing “on yore” Radio wen yiu try “to” play Woke Music!!!!!
This heer It Is Darnold Trumpt’s fawlt!!!! HE MAID THEMB WASSPS RADIO ACTIVE!!!!!! Thay are Repubickan Wassps!!! Thay been traned “to” Sting us so we woont Voate!!!!! Yiu KNOW Kamalalala she wood “Be” Pressidint if “it” wazznt for all them wassps!! And heer Is A Pixture of Jeff Goldbloom he is turning into a wassp becose he got stinged by Radio-Active and look watt it Done To Himb!!!!
I wunder watt wood of hapened iff “it was” a Radio-Active Potater Beeatle!!!!!!
We has to kick Trumpt “out of” the Wite Hause befoar Evvry Boddy in it thay tourn In-to Radio-Active buggs!!!!!!!!! Do the Ellecsion Over and putt Kamalalala back in Orfice befoar Its Twoo Layte!!!!
Awl my prefessers at Collidge thinck so!!!!!!
From January 18, 2023
Wow! Byron the Quokka here, with fabulous news! Quokka University has just acquired the exclusive rights to an exclusive TV series, Shakespeare For Persons Who Can’t Hardly Talk.
What’s wrong with Shakespeare? Half the time you don’t know what the heck he’s talking about; and the rest of the time, the plays are too blamed long!
Well, they’ve fixed that. For example, this new improved version of the balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet.
Romeo: Yo!
Juliet: Hey.
Romeo: Hey.
Juliet: That you?
Romeo: See ya. [Exit Romeo and Juliet]
See how much time and space that saves? Heck, when they do Macbeth, it’s only twenty minutes!
Catch ya later, dude!
From April 1, 2022
Sombtymes iggnarint peple thay “foarget”” that Collidge it dose A Lot “of” impotant Scyintiffic Resurch!!!!
Our Collidge it “is” dooing Grate Scyince like has Not “bin” Done Befoar!!!! We “are” Trying “to” fined Out waht TV shoaws annamels thay lyke Best!! I hadded a pet turdle oncet whoo wached oald Bo-Nanza reruns until he ranned awhay and i cuddnt fined himb ennymoar!!!!!
Natcherly this heer Scyints it rechoirs Howers “and” Howers of Resurch and “test-ing”!”!” and that cawsts Munny!!!!!!! That maikes our Too-ission go up butt “it” is Whurth It!!!!!! Shuddnt we Know waht TV pogroms peeple’s’s Petts lyke best?? Do Cats lyke “The” saim shoews Dogs lyke? Waht iff yiu has a pet Tode, or a Hambster, or Parrit,, or a Minus Burd???? Shuddnt thare “be” TV for themb tooo??
Our Collidges’s Gratest Mineds thay “are” nhow whirking On “It” day and nite!!!!!
Becose Socile Jutstus and Incloosion and Equatty thay “are”” foar annamels tooo “And” Not jist Hyumins!!!!!!
This award winning teacher has resigned due to student’s behavior improvement numbers being massaged. It would seem that the administration of the schools wants to smooth over a real crisis. They don’t want disruptive students sent to the office.
From November 11, 2022
[Last week we had a cock-up on the college front and Joe Collidge failed to appear in his usual Friday slot. Amazingly, no one complained.]
Didd yiu heer the tearrable news??? I cant beleave “it!”!” And jist affter “we winned” the Elexion tooo!!!!!!!
Some stopid juj in Tecksis ((oar “was” it Indier? i get them twoo micksed up!!)) he sayed thare Cant “be” “no” Stoodint Lone Fourgiftness!!!!!
Sints wen did anny boddy maik himb Pressadint??? Heer “at” our Collidge, “the” Stoodint Soviet we instintlie sended Off “a” leter to Pressadint Jobiden to tel himb he shood awght “to” throe That Thare Juj in jale!!!! and maby feeed himb To “the” allygaters tooo!!!!!! HOW DAIR HE??? Whoo dose “he” Thinck he “is?”!” Wat kined Of dimmocrasee Is it “wen” sumb juj he woont “let the” Pressadint do stuph???
Of corse we has bin Saying awl “allong” that thare shood awght To Be Freee Collidge foar evvry one butt Cristchins!!!!! and a free bortion too!!! If we hadded Soshalism no-boddy wood has to pay foar “enny-Thing!!”” And Collidge it “is” a Nessessaty Of Lyfe!!!!!! I lernt that In Nothing Studies!!
Whithout All “the” “grate” eddicasion i get In Collidge, I wood Be a Boob!!!!
From December 24, 2021
(Joe is a bit early with this, but he’s very enthused by the power it will give him)
We has Out-lawred “that holladay” heer At Collidge and re-plaiced “it” whith a Inkloosift Hollday witch “we” caul Whinter Festivvle!!!!!! And this hear It “is” “the” Prezzint thatt i whant Obamma Klaws to bring me!!! Grate Garlloo!!!!!!
This heer is a Toy maid by Karl Marx!!!!!! Hoaow grate “is” that???
Layter that Day “we” whil “Awll” sea The Hand-Made’s Tail it “is” awol abuote haow Meen charischins Are!!!!! Thay fourst wimmin To “has” baybes!!!!!!!!!! You caint Get a Bortion enny moar!!!!! that is watt hapens wen yiu has Donold Trumpt beeing pressadint!!!
Yiu can uze Grate Garrlloo to nock daown Churtches!! He whil “Be” yore Slaive!!!!!
[And I, the Editor, had better get to work today! Let Joe wander off to distant regions of the campus. Maybe he’ll learn something.]
After listening to this news release, I am very confused. Nobody seems to know when or where these “dolls” will be used. It might be that they were trying to sneak it in, and somebody blew a whistle, but nobody seems to know anything about this program. Not me (says everyone). We will just have to keep an eye on it, if possible. The fact that they were going to use them with children as young as four years of age stinks to high heaven.
From January 4, 2019
Whell, jist in Time,, i joyned our collidge’s Pro Choyce Cacas! and thay has gived Us “alll” a liszt of New Yeer’s Rezzalutoins!! The Pro Choyce Cacas thay maded al Our “choyces” fore us,; how grate is that??? Al wee has to do Is “obay” themb!!!
And hear thay are!
We Rezolfe to whare only “the” Cloathes the Cacas says we “has” got to whare Evry Day!!
We Rezolfes to reed “The” Handmade’s Tail over and ovar agin and keap Reeding it so we know “it bye” hart!!
We rezolfes to get Inta Canfrontaycions whith christins and conserfatiffs Evry Day and keap Doingit “untill” thay Minds thay are rihght!!!
We rezolfes to go to Bed evry Nihght wen the Cacas say we shuld!
We rezolfe only “to” use themb brandnew Pro Nouns that the Cacas thay has jist maded Up,: like Gzee and Gzaa and Gzuu and Lunnabunna and a “lot of” Others,, i has not yett Bin Abel to memberyze themb alll, “thay are” for al the New Genders that has got “to be” Re-speckted!!! Al themb Old Pro Nouns thay “are” Trans Foabbick!!
Aslo we has got to say “the” F Bomb at leest Oncet in evry sentints becose this hear it Willl aleavvyate globbal Povverte and Sex Ism!! I all reddy started Doingit but that stopid lee he is “goingto” deeleet al my F Balms!! [Editor’s note: You got that right, Joe.]
And aslo tooo we Rezolfe to Hate all the hatters and biggits That are “arond” hear on the Campas and to Hate themb “until” thay jist Drop Dedd!!!!!
So thoze thay are all “The” Rezzalutoins that The Pro Choyce Cacas thay has choze for us!!
From December 15, 2023
Dam! I fawled Asleep “last’ Nite and mist this!!! Butt I heared abuout It layter!!!!
Did yiu know yiu cood joyne The Frentch Forrin Lesion?!? It terns Oaut thare “was” A” Recrooter heer “at” our collidge lassed Nite and he was geting stodints to sine up foar The Forrin Lesion and you get this Neet Hat and go to Frants and has spatial fyne Frentch foode and thay givv yiu this heer Red thing that yiu ware “On” yore shurt!!!! Frants is beter thann Amaricka ennyhaow,, thay “got” Socile Jutstus thare!!!!! Awl yiu has got To “do” is sine up and thay givv yiu this here “grate” Big Gun!!
I know my Hisstry!!! Gorge Burns and Edy Kantor thay was bowth “in the” Forrin Lesion and thay got To be Moovie Stars!!!!!! And yiu doughnt has to Do “ennything” reel harrd be-cawse Frants loses awl Its Wars ennyhaow!!! Mostly thay has grate Partys and go swiming On “the” Rivera!!!!
And I thinck “the”cool Hat whil fitt “oaver” my moth antenners!!!