Quokka U.: Coming Along REPRINT from March 2020

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Ipso loquitur mannimota, everybody! Byron the Quokka here, with the latest news about the creation of Quokka University.

We’ve got our Latin motto, we’ve hired a coach for our pick-up sticks team–she insists on remaining incognito, wherever that is–and we’ve appointed half a dozen deans. For that we did “one potato, two potato.” We make a lot of important decisions that way.

This week we wrestled with the question of whether or not we need to set up a cafeteria. We quokkas eat a lot of leaves and bark, grass, fruit and berries, all of which, well, grow here on Rotnest Island so there’s always something to eat, we don’t have to go looking for it. So a faction led by Aunt Feezy said we didn’t need a cafeteria, but every college I ever heard of has one, so we decided we’d better have one, too. Just in case. Two quokkas named Arnie and Asshurbanipal found this nice big cardboard box that we can use. Just bring some food inside and eat it there. It’ll do for starters.

As for degree programs and courses and things like that, we’re still trying to figure out how many humans we can admit as students and what kind of courses they would like. We want to offer stuff they can’t get in human colleges–and how much should we charge them for it? We don’t use money, so how would they pay for their higher education? Who knew it was so much work to set up a college?

We’re also thinking maybe we won’t have courses. Uncle Ripcord says that would be “real cutting-edge, it’ll probably start a trend.” We shall see!

Meanwhile, we want you all to know we’re putting a good twenty minutes a week into this enterprise and that’s why it’s taking shape so fast.

Joe Collidge Discovers Cryptozoology REPRINT

 

 

 

 

 

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From July 10, 2020

I wented to “a” reel kool lexture “last” nihght it was all abuot a New Scyints i has nevver herd “Of” it is caled Clepto-Zoo-Olligy! Oar somb thing “lyke” That!!

Did yiu know thare is aminals alll Over “the” Whirld that noboddy thay has sceen themb befour??? Somb of themb is Dynasores and Willy mammeths but somb of themb “thay” are smawl aminals and clepto zooollagists thay “Are” loocking al Over “the” plaice to fyned themb!!!!

We seen a Lot “of” slydes of theeze Secret Creetchers lyke :the “ones” up thare In the Pixture,, i hasnt nevver sceene nothing Like themb befour,, thay live Up In “The” deeep wooulds ware thare “is” aslo Big Foot and Choopa Capra and the Lock Nest Manster!!!!! Somboddy whoo was jist “a” Biggit “and” a Hater he sayed thay “are” Ownly plane old Rabbets so we beet himb up,, that is reel Socile Jutstus!!!!

Heer is anether Clepto Aminal.

Considering Consciousness Through The Eyes Of A Squirrel : 13.7: Cosmos And Culture : NPR

At frist i thinked I sceene One “Of” theeze onct rihght hear On Our Campis it was clyming “a” Treee but ackturally it is a Seecrit Clepto Zology Creetcher it livves in Affricker and the Naytivves thay are al Afrayed of it!!!! The lexture sayed it jist gose “To Shoh” that thare is Seecrit Creetchers evry ware!!!

The lexture thay sayed theeze aminals thay Are Prooof that Evilusion it is Reel and evin Peeple thay are goingto Evolve “into” somb thing Elsse so i amb goingto Keep a Iye out fore “it”!!!!!!

Greta Gets an Honorary Ph. D.–in Theology! REPRINT FROM 2023

Greta Thunberg: Kids 'will never forgive' you for failing on climate change | CNN

Would you buy a used climate from this kid?

No, I didn’t make this up, it’s not a satire.

Greta Thunberg, all of 20 years old, has been awarded an honorary doctorate in Theology by Helsinki University (https://freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/4139802/posts).

Is this rich, or what? When did this poster child for Climbit Chainge study theology? Where did she study it? Is there any evidence that suggests she knows the least thing about theology?

Yeahbut, yeahbut! Climbit Chainge is a RELIGION, man! She don’t need no stinkin’ degree! Except now she has one. “Dr. Thunberg.” It’s enough to make a pile of bricks break down and cry.

What can you say? Colleges and universities have gone plumb crazy, all over the world. What in the world can they “teach” anybody?

It sounds like a joke–but who’s laughing?

We’ve Hired a Professor! REPRINT from 11/2020

Taking Selfies With The Happy Quokka Has Been Banned In Australia | Happy animals, Cute animals, Quokka

G’day from Quokka University! Byron here: and, as chairquokka of our Political Science Dept., I wish to announce the hiring of an associate professor! Hired by me, in fact. Trumpets, please! May I introduce our first associate professor of political science…here he is…

NORBERT

Norbert the therapy dog!

I hired him because you can hardly believe how sharply he can change direction, even while running at full speed. This is an invaluable skill in politics! Human politicians take pride in their ability to zig-zag, but Norbert puts them all to shame.

I have assigned him to teach Sharp Turns 101 and Being For It, Then Against It 202.

Did I mention he works cheap? Well, he only weighs three pounds, it’s not like you have to feed him a lot. No need to raise the tuition just to feed Professor Norbert.

As for the burning question, “What is the tuition?”, well, don’t look at me, I’m the Poli Sci Dept.! See if you can find the registrar, Aunt Feezy the Quokka, and ask her. I think I saw her going into the mangrove swamp.

Joe Collidge Drops Out! REPRINT FROM 2024

369,062 Bouncing Ball Stock Photos, High-Res Pictures, and ...

I doughnt Know wye “that thare” hedline is up thare, making Peple “think” I amb Droping Out of Collidge!!! Sumbboddy thay are Trying “to” maik me look stupid!!!!!

What reely hapened was, I fell Off these here big bawls we “were bounsing Araound to raze munny foar Kamalala to git E-lektid Pressadint! It’s Not “as” eezy as it looks!! So I was “bountsing” aroaund wen I thawt I seen Jobydin! bowncing on a big red bawl and it maid me fawl off!!!! And wen I looked agin,, he waznt thare!!!!!!

This prooves that he has Magickle Powers!!!!

We has sended Off “a” leter to Kamalala aksing Her to c”ome” to our Campis and bounse whith us!!!!! Thar wil “kill off” the roomers that she “is” a Which!!!!!! Gotta do “that” befoar its Halloween!!!!

Joe Collidge: Movie Review REPRINT

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From August 2, 2019

I seen a reely Grate movy last “nihght” thay showed it to us “in” Nothing Studies and i didnt get the Tital it was in Chineese but anyhow “it” was ether a Brittish movy or Check i dont “know,, i get themb two contries mixted up sombtimes!!

It was al abote Climbit Chainge maiking “the” whorld come to a end and this evel pressadint he was like Donold Trumpt,, he ownly whanted Evryboddy to Die!!! so he culd maik a prophitt!!! So he woodnt let annyboddy Save The Planet But ha-ha-ha the joak “it” Was “on” himb wen he got Drownded becose the see-levels they comed up over “the” Wite Howse and he coodnt swimb!!! That was Lanardo Dee Cabron who played himb!!!

In depsaration the whorld it turned to wimmin of culler and “one” “of” themb she Got To be Pressadint of the hole Whorld and she fixted evry Thing!!! She made a 110$% tax raite and Open Boarders and lots more Transgender and rihght away evry Thing “it” strated to Get Beter!!! And then yiu know watt she done?? She “got” A hole buntch of Whiches to make a magickle spel and that putt “a” Stopp “to” al the Bad Whether!!!! And than wee hadded Comunism and evry Thing “it” Was Purfict!!!!

I love themb movyes wen thay “are” abote Socile Jutstus i whish thare was Moar Of themb and the Guvernmint thay shood maik evryboddy See Themb over and over agen!!!!!!!!!!

Buffalo Public Schools: ‘Failure Factory’ REPRINT

Teacher shouting at kids Stock Photo - Alamy

From February 25, 2021

Ready for another belt of bad news? Sorry, but we have to know what we’re up against.

The city of Buffalo’s public schools have gone full-throttle on an America-hating, race-hustling curriculum–at all grade levels–which Christopher Rufo has called, in his report, a “Failure Factory” (https://www.city-journal.org/buffalo-public-schools-critical-race-theory-curriculum).

Paid for by the undefended public!

You name the abuse, and they’ve got it–all orchestrated by a “diversity czar.” It’s based on an overarching condemnation of all “white people”–whom, the kids are told, “all play a part in perpetuating systemic racism.” They want to start on this when the kids are four years old.

Teacher training, as described by a teacher who wishes to remain anonymous: “A series of scoldings, guilt trips, and demands to demean themselves.” And that’s just the good part.

Meanwhile, only 18% of the students here are proficient in math and only 20% in English. But that doesn’t matter because everything is the fault of evil racist white people and their no-good racist country, the United States.

And this will turn out well for us… how?

Our public education system, the costliest ever devised by human beings, is too far gone to be repaired. It must be abandoned. It must be replaced. How can I even find the words for how important this is? We have entrusted our children’s education to people who hate us and want to ruin our country. Why in the world should we keep doing that?

Once upon a time the people who paid for the schools owned them, and decided who should teach and what should be taught. For the sake of our country’s very survival, we have to return to such a time.

If the things these unionized “teachers” say to white children were ever said to black children, the government would come down on them like a hammer. Because it would be racism! Why in the world do we allow this?

At the moment, with our whole government in the hands of Democrats, absolutely the only thing we can do is to pull our children out of those schools and pray the system will die from lack of nourishment. Homeschool the children, or put them in a Christian school. Parents can also get together to form homeschooling co-ops.

What we have now will prove deadly to us as a nation.

What’ll We Do With Millenials? REPRINT

From January 16, 2017Image result for images of useless college students

We have a gigantic social problem looming over our country.

What are we to do with millenials?

Recent college graduates, tens of thousands of them, with their whole lives yet to live–can’t hold jobs, can’t tolerate even the most trivial adversity, saturated with an ideology that is opposed to everything America stands for, unable to relate to people as individuals but only as representatives of this or that group, guaranteed and certified 100% useless–what in the world are we supposed to do with them?

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy the company of teens and tweens, provided they haven’t been turned upside-down and inside-out by our culture and our schools. I wish I had more of you guys visiting this blog, to pep it up a little.

No, I’m talking about young people with degrees in Gender Studies and Social Justice, burdened by a load of student debt, who go stampeding for the Play-Doh and the Safe Space at the first little hitch in life that comes along, who want a participation trophy just for breathing. You can’t talk to them without triggering a trauma. And if you can imagine them trying to bring up children of their own, you have a more vivid imagination than I do.

So what are we supposed to do with them? They won’t be able to support themselves. Imagine hiring Joe Collidge to do anything more complex than sweep the floor.

I wish I knew the answer to that question.

The Forgotten Worlds of Joe Collidge REPRINT

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“”The Presisstints of Memry”” by Sal Maglie (oar sumb-boddy)

From April 27, 2025

I dunno whAt hes Talking “about!”!” I hasnt forgot nothing!!!! Hes the One Whoos loosing “his”” Memry!!

Our Nothing Studdies prefesser, Dr. Limbo, “he has” Starrted a Exspearmint and I sined Up “tobe” In It!!!!!!

What “if” we was awl Baybys wen we starrtid Collidge?? And lyke 18 oar 19 oar twinty20 yeers Old wen we starrtid Kintergardin??? Prefesser Limbo he “says it” wood maik Us “beter human beans”!”!” So nhow wen We “go” To lextures and stuff,, we gots to ware Dypers and be in Craydals and drink Millk fromb Bayby bottels.

And the prefesser he says “Try” to “Forgett (!) evry thing you Evver lernt sints yiu frist wendt “to” Kintergardin” so yiu Can lurn All Oaver Agin!!!!!!!”” And sumb of us we doughnt “has to” try tooo hard!!!

Has we bin “livving” Backwords awl Thiss tyme??? Betcha we did!!! We shooda STARRTED in Collidge wen we was Baybys and whorked Out “whay” baCk to Kindygarddin!!!!

We whil Get It Ryte thiss tyme!!!!

‘Ton Ey Curtus’s Hand!!’ (2017) Joe Collidge Reprint

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See? It is Ether “his” rihght Hand oar his Lefft Hand witch is mising, Alfrid Hich-coke Cut “it” offf whith a soard!!!!

Robbie the cat is lying on top of my notes and I haven’t got the heart to move her. This vintage “Joe Collidge” piece is the only title peeking out from under the cat.

Well, we can always use a good laugh. It’s a gift from God.

Ton ey Curtus’s Hand!!

And now the cat gets up and walks away!

Happy Sunday, everybody.