Tiny the Goldfish–“with the goo-goo-googly eyes”–has won a blue ribbon in the First Annual Sustainable Global Dog Show.
“Tiny identifies as a dog,” says proud owner “Ziggy” Zagg, a 6-foot-seven man who identifies as a woman so he can compete in women’s boxing tournaments. “Well, all right–I identify him as a dog! But there’s really no scientific basis for dividing the Animal Kingdom into all those species. That’s just speciesism.”
Dog owners who objected to Tiny’s inclusion in the contest have been sent to Re-Education Camp.