The ‘State of the Eunuch’ Speech

PHOTO: President Joe Biden stumbles while walking up the steps of Air Force One at Joint Base Andrews, Md., March 19, 2021, for a trip to Georgia.

It’s always better to fall up the stairs than down.

Oh, boy! We have secretly obtained “notes” for SloJo Biden’s “State of the Eunuch” speech tonight. Our source says “The language has to be cleaned up a little before he goes on the air… For instance, we’re recommending that he call it the ‘State of the Union,’ as it’s always been. Still, it’s just about ready.”

Two points stand out. We quote:

“On my watch, more little boys have been castrated than in all our country’s history put together, up till now. This is how we’re fighting Climbit Change!”

And this:

“All that expensive military equipment that we left behind, skedaddling out of Afghanistan with our tails between our legs, will have to be replaced so that we can donate it to Ukraine’s war effort! This means, in a word of just three letters, JOBS! Our economy is booming!”

The president has also learned how to pretend to pull a finger off his hand. “He can hardly wait to perform it while he delivers the speech,” says our source. “He saw it at a party when he was five years old and has finally mastered it himself.”

We’ll probably get in trouble for showing this in advance, but we can’t resist. So here it is.

“Let’s see Putin do that!” the president reportedly declared.