While poor Constable Chumley hangs on to the brink of the cliff by his fingertips, author Violet Crepuscular has permitted herself the luxury of challenging a college student to a duel. This is of no use to the constable.
“When this amoeba, this sponge, this walking ottoman insulted me for my remarks about crooked Hillary Clinton and her so-called novel, I concluded that honor demands only one response–a duel!” writes Ms. Crepuscular, supposedly introducing Chapter CDLXXXXIV of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney.
Ms. Crepuscular is miffed that a semi-literate politician can be instantly molded into some kind of literary titan and appear on all the talk shows. “No, I have never fought a duel before,” she admits. “But if I can’t polish off this Joe Collidge character, I have no business living anyway. Certainly no business adding to the world’s store of classic romance novels!”
The college student was unavailable for comment. He does not know what a “dool” is, according to several persons in his Nothing Studies class.
(Uh, Violet… Could we do something about Constable Chumley clinging to the cliff? You’ve used up almost the whole chapter, grumbling about your duel, etc.)
Correction: That was the whole chapter. Oh, fap–!