Energy Breakthrough! Hot Air

New climate envoy John Kerry sold off energy holdings to avoid conflict of  interest, disclosures show - ABC News

In an experiment conducted secretly at Camp David this past Saturday, Climate Czar and former Democrat presidential candidate John Kerry successfully inflated a hot air balloon which lifted a 750-pound payload–an upright piano.

The balloon, with the piano attached, floated away until it developed a leak and came down over Virginia’s Dismal Swamp. There is now a piano standing in the heart of Dismal Swamp.

How did Kerry inflate the balloon? “It was incredibly easy!” he exulted. “I just recited my standard Save The Planet From Climate Change speech, the same speech I gave at the World Economic Forum–and up she went! In fact, we were a little scared the balloon might burst before I finished!”

“It’s a breakthrough!” chortled Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY). “In one swell foop we have erased the need for fossil fuels! Who knew? I’ll bet one of my speeches can fertilize a whole field of kudzu!” In fact, there is already a 1,200-acre kudzu field nourished by one of Schumer’s speeches.

According to a reliable source, the government will now use balloons to plant pianos in swamps all around the country. The cost of the project will be covered by “only a very small tax increase,” said the new presidential adviser, the Easter Bunny.