We have had to consult Ms. Crepuscular’s notes for this chapter; we have but the bare bones of an outline. She is busy making toothpaste-filled cupcakes for Mr. Pitfall’s New Year’s party. Imagine being at a party with Violet Crepuscular, the Queen of Suspense.
“Like it or not,” she writes, introducing an un-numbered chapter (really, Violet!) of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, “Scurveyshire is a rural backwater pretty much shunned by the rest of Victorian England. Why, just ten years ago, they still had a watch-tower with a watchman keeping an eye out for vikings. And every now and then, he’d see one!”
Using the calendar invented by Dr. Parasol before they hanged him for practicing witchcraft without a license, today is New Year’s Day in Scurveyshire… so you probably missed their New Year’s Eve, which was last night instead of tonight. Those people of Scurveyshire who are not addled by the calendar celebrate the holiday with some unusual customs and traditions.
*The Giant Gnome. This commemorates… well, I don’t know! They trot out this huge effigy of a gnome, somewhat the worse for wear, and make rude noises at it.
*The Bad Penny. Children frantically pass this coin from one to another–whoever has it when Sir Alfred (who he was is not recorded) appears, has to live in the village graveyard for the next three months.
*“Winjee-winjee!” celebrates Scurveyshire’s role in the history of unsuccessful piracy.
*Grog O’ My Heart” is sung precisely at midnight by drunken revelers in the village streets. Anyone caught lurking indoors is sold into slavery.
“As you can see,” Ms. Crepuscular would conclude if she were writing this, “there’s a lot to be said for living in a rural backwater where quaint customs still prevail!”
