Introducing Chapter DIII of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, Violet Crepuscular (“The Queen of Suspense”!) writes, “Introducing Chapter DIII of my epic romance, Oy, Rodney, I can’t help mentioning that in writing an epic romance one is apt to encounter crabs and nay-sayers among the readership. They send me catty letters. They beshrewvinate me with nasty emails. You’d be amazed, how many so-called readers don’t think anybody in Scurveyshire needs a properly equipped safari! But let us join the American adventurer, Willis Twombley, as he organizes a safari to deal with the rhinoceros that burrows under the wading pool in the vicar’s back yard.”
[Editor’s note: Aaaaaaghhh!]
Twombley asks to borrow a considerable sum of money from Lady Margo Cargo.
“What for?” she preguntalates. [Grrrrr!]
“Askaris,” he explains. “Don’t go anywhere in Africa without ’em. You never know when your safari’s gonna be attacked by cannibals, slave-traders, ivory poachers, or just plain unfriendly natives. Gotta have plenty of armed askaris.”
“But Jeremy–we’re not in Africa!”
Yes, you read that right: she called him Jeremy. Sometimes she calls Jeremy “Willis.” She continues to labor under the impression that they are one and the same person.
“Tell the rhino that!”
“Oh, Willis! You’ve got an answer for everything!”
[Editor tries to escape out the window. Sill is smeared with toothpaste. He is unable to identify its brand or flavor. Tune in next week for a resumption of the story.]