So there’s nothing happening in the world but impeachment politics and Democrat fat-heads flapping their jaws? Nothing but politics to write about?
Well, belay that. If there ain’t no nooze out there worth writing about, I’ll jolly well make up my own. Here goes!
A Congressional committee has earmarked $51 million to investigate claims that pro wrestling isn’t real.
Seven spiders have outscored America’s high school students on the Scholastic Aptitude Tests; but the results have been thrown out because it is alleged the spiders cheated.
A new thrill ride at the Sea Colossus Amusement Pier in California launches riders a quarter-mile out to sea. They are expected to swim back.
Chocolate cake builds spectacular muscles and unbreakable bones, according to scientists employed by the Chocolate Institute.
Prehistoric dinosaurs–is there any other kind?–still exist in Magma Township, New Jersey, where a homeowners’ newly planted lawn was ruined by a Stegosaurus “playing around on it,” according to Police Chief Marshall Tito. “He says he seen it and I believe him.” There have also been reports of gigantic tyrannosaurs drinking out of swimming pools and a frisky Dimetrodon knocking over tool sheds. Pointing out that Dimetrodon is not in fact a dinosaur has failed to comfort property owners.
There you have it–today’s nooze. Your money back if any of it turns out to be true!