‘I’m Cheesed Off’ (2018)

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Every now and then the nooze just gets to me and I want to scream and carry on.

I’m Cheesed Off

They call us “haters” and practically burst the blood vessels in their eyes, doing it. I am fairly sure Our Lord Jesus Christ would not have said He hated them, although He might have given them a jolly good thrashing as He drove them out of the Temple.

Anyway, I don’t report this schiff for my health… We need to know what we’re up against.

Getting the Nooze–a Week Before It Happens

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Oh, that nooze media!

Michigan Channel 3 News (LOL) has published the results of Michigan’s Republican primary election–which will not be held until next week (https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2022/07/caught-michigan-news-channel-posts-results-primary-election-not-another-week/).

And so another satire becomes reality. Just yesterday I reposted a satire I wrote in 2018, “New from J-School: A Scoop Every Time.” Reporters can get scoops simply by making up news stories and publishing them before they happen, if they ever happen at all. And if they don’t, who’s going to notice?

Channel 3 had all the RINOs and anti-Trump stooges winning their primaries, which will not be held until next week. They made up news stories from thin air, numbers and all,  and published them. Then they wonder why we don’t trust “journalism” anymore.

Why have elections at all? Let the nooze media announce the winners ahead of time and all the voters can stay home.

‘New from J-School: A Scoop Every Time’ (2018)

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These days everyone can be xer(?)–their (?)–own nooze organization. Some of you may even wind up working for an online nooze network. Maybe even for TV nooze!

Now, how do you win fame and fortune in the nooze? By scoring scoops, of course! Be the first with the story. That’s what it’s all about.

New from J-School: A Scoop Every Time!

For untold years, Journalists were held back by that “Truth” thing, which we now know isn’t worth a hill of beans. If you’re still bothering with “Truth,” you need to find another profession. Really–you don’t think they give out Pulitzers for telling the truth, do you? Sheesh, go back to Russian Collusion 101 and repeat the course.

Pope to Appoint First Muslim Cardinal?

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“Pachamama told me so!”

We have not a shred of confirmation for this nooze story, not a mote of evidence; but in a spirit of contemporary Journalism, we’ll run it out there anyway.

Pope Francis I has reportedly indicated that he will soon appoint the Church’s first Muslim cardinal (acmefalsefacts.com).

Said an unaccredited spokesman for the Vatican who might not really belong there, “Pope Francis was making an offering to Pachamama, the indigenous Amazon goddess, when he thought he heard the wooden image say, ‘Ain’t it time you had a Muslim cardinal?'”

“What could I do but say ‘Yes!’?” the pope may have exclaimed. Well, we think he did.

Normally a man must be a bishop or at least a priest before he can be made a cardinal, but we’ve heard the pope can do just about anything he wants as long as he can get away with it.

According to unreliable reports, there are two candidates for the honor: Mustafa Turhan Bey, a used car dealer in Istanbul, and Ali Magnun, a Saudi Arabian puppeteer.

According to a person who can have no idea what he’s talking about, having a Muslim cardinal is “a big step forward to a global government!” An equally frivolous source has the pope going “Eeny-meeny-miny-mo” to make his decision. “I suppose I could appoint them both,” he may have said, “but I don’t want to rock the boat, Pachamama wouldn’t like it.”

That’s our narrative, at least!

[Editor’s Note: In 2016 the Presbyterian Church USA had a Muslim imam pray at their national conference, an action for which they had to apologize. And that is not satire.]

CNN ‘Hero’… in the ‘War Zone’

Chris Cuomo attends the 12th Annual CNN Heroes: An All-Star Tribute at American Museum of Natural History on December 9, 2018 in New York City.

Not since Hillary Clinton at the Alamo, Joe Biden at Valley Forge, and Pee Wee Herman at Thermopylae have we seen such raw grit as fired CNN anchor Chris Cuomo has displayed, reporting “live from the Ukraine war zone.” Helmet and all. Dodging artillery shells, dancing around the mines.

And 24 hours later he’s spotted in the Hamptons. Whoosh! Magic slippers, anyone? Who knew Russian troops had gotten as far west as Long Island?

Cuomo was fired by CNN–this is where the journalism bar is set really, really low–for helping his brother Andrew get away with assorted misdeeds as governor of New York. So now he’s “free-lancing.” He went to Ukraine in June. Now he’s back.

It reminds me of Dan Rather’s maybe-maybe not expedition to Afghanistan to cover the Soviet invasion of that country. There is a sizeable body of opinion that Gunga Dan, native costume and all, never set foot in Afghanistan and was perfectly satisfied to use the much safer scenery they had in Pakistan. He denies it to this day, but I don’t believe him.

Okay, maybe Cuomo did go to the Ukraine war zone, maybe he didn’t–no way to find out. It’s just that we’ve learned that our big-name noozies almost never tell the truth… about anything. I mean, come on–Hillary Clinton dodging bullets on an embattled airfield in the Balkans? “And then I drew my Clinton knife! They call it a Bowie knife, but I invented it! David Bowie never had a knife like this…”

Save it for the campfire, Chris. Maybe some kid will enjoy it.

 

An Earth-Shaking Discovery

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The long-lost, quasi-legendary Condescending White Liberals Graveyard has at last been found!

Renowned explorer and paranormal investigator Chick Shamble announced the mind-blowing discovery, but refused to divulge its location. “They’ll all be dug up and put back to work in 15 minutes if word of this gets out,” he said. “Now I wish I’d never found it! The place gives me the creeps. All those ghosts babbling about diversity and social justice! Ugh! And they never shut up.”

Shamble said he got the clues he needed just by watching TV news shows. “Whenever they’re short-handed,” he said, “they go out to the Condescending White Liberals Graveyard and dig one up. Slap on some makeup and they’re ready to rock ‘n’ roll. It’s like they’ve never been away.”

You’d be surprised, he added, “in fact, you’d be amazed, to find how how many of those reporters and commentators you see on TV are actually dead. Dan Rather died four years before they took him off the air.”

But they’re not all in the news media.

“How do you think they staff the teachers’ colleges?” Shamble said.

MSNBC Caught in the Cookie Jar

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See Real Combat Footage of “Russian aircraft getting nailed” by Ukrainian air defense! Analyzed by 4-star General (Retired) Barry McCaffrey! See it now on MSNBC!

Only it turns out that the combat footage is a clip from a video game called ARMA 3 (https://freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/4063932/posts), and Gen. McCaffrey has either been well and truly hosed or is himself a mountebank.

“Experience true combat gameplay in a massive military sandbox!” That’s the sales pitch.

It’s always been very, very hard to get accurate, reliable news of faraway wars. It seems that MSNBC isn’t even trying: they’ll settle for clips from a video game. And call it “news.”

I guess it’s safe that way. You can’t get shot by a video game.

And you can’t get “informed” by MSNBC.

When Mere Garbage Comes Out of Your Mouth…

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Libs and other Far Left crazies really, really, really don’t like being called “groomers.” They’re furious… because the label has stuck.

So MSNBC invited some doofus who used to be with Bush-Cheney before he got woke, and he trotted out the antique cliche, “If Jesus were alive today…” Yeah. If Jesus were alive today, said Matthew Dowd (never heard of him), “he’d be called a groomer.” And “woke” and “socialist,” too. Last time I heard that, Jesus would’ve been a Red Sox Fan.

It’s a Third Commandment offense, taking the Lord’s name in vain.

Howdy-Dowdy dropped Bush-Cheney in 2007 so he could get nice TV gigs as an ex-Republican who saw the light.

But why do the libs squirm so violently when you call them groomers (as in using the public schools to “groom” young children for sexual activity)? What is it about that label that stings them so deeply?

I’m guessing that it hurts so much because it’s true. What other reason could they possibly have for wanting to teach four-year-olds all about transgender and sexual positions?

The only mystery here is why it ever was allowed at all. Maybe people weren’t watching, weren’t listening. Maybe they were even pretending that it wasn’t happening–“Not in our schools!” at least. But now the cat is out of the bag, they’ve lost their deniability: the teachers’ unions are groomers’ unions..

It’s also baffling that many more kids haven’t been pulled out of public school to protect them from the groomers. Folks, that’s the only protection that they’re gonna get.

CNN Headed for the Glue Factory?

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They won’t even be able to pay for the sign.

Mainstream nooze has been in trouble for years now. I remember when “Moesha” re-runs did better in the ratings than Dan Rather’s nightly nooze show.

Back before Christmas Bill O’Reilly predicted CNN would be sold this year and all the Far Left fake nooze artists would be fired as the new owners tried to reconfigure CNN into an actual news network. Well, Discovery is about to close a merger deal that will give them ownership of CNN; and meanwhile CNN’s new streaming service, “CNN+,” has tanked, big-time–an “epic failure,” as some describe it, with less than ten thousand daily viewers. That’s the first part of O’Reilly’s prediction come true.

And the sub-headline: “Big Cuts Loom.” The left-wing chatterboxes are going to wind up pumping gas or sweeping the floor at their local 7-11.

They’ve brought it on themselves–not a dry eye in the house. Their four-year orgy of Trump-bashing, seasoned with heaping spoonfuls of outright lies, has carried them to the brink of extinction. Whether the new owners can successfully set up a network that people will watch remains to be seen. They’ll have to deal with the fact that CNN has lost some 90% of its viewership.

This is not rocket science. If your thing is mocking and berating more than half of your potential customer base, you have no right to expect anything but failure.

We need news outlets that actually give us the news, as accurately and honestly as possible. Our Far Left major nooze networks refuse to do this. So don’t watch them. Ever. Let them join CNN on the great media landfill.

‘More Fake News from CNN: “22 School Shootings” (2018)

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The nooze media have been throwing fables at us for a long time. Here’s a whopper from CNN, vintage 2018:

More Fake News from CNN: ’22 School Shootings’

You’ll find 46 comments attached to this. A liberal came in to lecture us, that day. Why do these people take such pains to convince you, “I’m a Republican,” while going into tantrum mode because Hillary Clinton isn’t president? Rush Limbaugh used to call ’em seminar callers.

Meanwhile, CNN has lost some 90% of its viewership. We can root for the remaining 10% to follow.

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