Dateline London, UK: Flash! Parliament has repealed the Magna Carta–the 800-year-old document that limited the power of the government and solidified the civil rights of every free-born Englishman.
“We were only going to repeal that stuff about free speech,” said a member of Parliament who does not wish to be identified, “but once we got going, we couldn’t resist the repealing of the whole thing.”
Minister of Education Ali Wali Shabong: “People were using ‘free speech’ as a way to say bad things about our education system. It simply must not be allowed!”
“If they ever tried to push a Magna Carta in my home country, we would hang them from the lamp-posts” –Muboola Koolah, M.P.
“The Magna-Whatsit is a relic of the past,” said Minister of Truth Alfie Pong. “We must get rid of all traces of the past, and look to a future of enlightened supervision of the lives of ordinary common people.”
“Amen to that!” said an unidentified member of the royal family.
Next: Parliament approves funds to build re-education camps.