The scientific world is all agog over claims that a centaur has finally been taught to speak a human language.
Aided by grants from Columbia University and the U.S. Dept. of Education, a captive centaur named “Mr. Bill” has become fluent in Esperanto, the artificial language intended for international use.Prior to his instruction, says the project director, Mr. Bill could only speak the centaurs’ language–“an ugly combination of neighing, snorting, and reality-show cliches.”
In a mere six weeks, and at a cost of only $16 billion, Mr. Bill was able to read an Esperanto translation of Dr. Seuss’ Hop on Pop.
Mr. Bill is being held at a secure facility operated by the federal government’s Division of Stupid Wastes of Money. It is said he has made friends with a goat-footed Faun named Charley–who, although efforts have failed, so far, to teach him any human language, has learned to whistle Pop Goes the Weasel.
When Charley and Mr. Bill converse, they don’t speak Esperanto, Centaurese, or Faunish. The Division plans to spend another $8 billion to find out what language the faun and the center speak to one another.
Most of the Division’s money has already been earmarked for an expedition to Hawaii to find and capture a Giant.