The Centaurs Strike Back

I have been getting a lot of flak from centaurs lately, email from all over the country.

“You are completely wrong about us centaurs,” writes Tomble Gezunt from Montana. “The centaur community is mad at you for depicting us as animals and savages. You seem to have got us mixed up with taurcents, which are backwards centaurs–horse up front, human behind. We don’t appreciate it!”

What about the objection that, even with genetic engineering, a centaur is impossible because the horse half would grow so much faster than the human half? Mrs. Haffa Horsy, from right here in New Jersey, answered that one.

“What do you know about it, buster? So the horse half grows faster. So what? Eventually the human half catches up. My horse-body was full grown while my lady-piece was still a baby. Don’t you think my parents knew how to deal with that? To us centaurs, that’s no big deal at all! In fact, it’s normal.”

From Washington, D.C., came this angry comment from a centaur named Roy Patterson.

“You make out like we are just a bunch of drunks, as bad as satyrs. But you don’t know ****. In my neighborhood we got centaurs who are lawyers, public servants, and even one who is a veterinarian. It’s them satyrs who run around drunk all the time. Centaurs are too busy earning an honest living!”

Well, who would’ve thought it? Apparently there are a lot more centaurs out there than I imagined. I wonder why it’s so unusual to see one.

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