International Manhunt: Reddy Kilowatt

For more than half a century he was the world-wide ambassador for consumer electricity.

Now he’s a man on the run.

Police in 77 countries are after Reddy Kilowatt, 89, who mysteriously escaped recently from a secret Interpol prison in the Alps. He is wanted on a plethora of charges, including Climate Change Denial, Heteronormativity, and Being a Capitalist Running Dog.

“He ought to be pretty easy to spot,” said Interpol Commissioner Hans Upp. “On his own, I doubt he can pose much of a threat. Our gravest concern is that he might seek to join forces with another fugitive.”

According to confidential sources, Interpol fears Reddy will team up with Speedy Alka-Seltzer, a known Enemy of the People, to say and do things that the UN doesn’t like.

Last year a UN hit squad tracked down Bucky Beaver and killed him in a shootout. “That was satisfying,” said Upp, “but only to those few of us who remember Bucky Beaver.”

Citizens of the world are urged to contact Interpol, or their local police force, if they spot Reddy Kilowatt.

“Do not approach him yourself,” Upp advised. “He could give you a shock.”

If Reddy and Speedy combine their forces, he warned, “They could release a dangerous amount of gas into the atmosphere.”

A reward is offered for any information leading to the arrest of Mr. Kilowatt. The nature of the reward has not been disclosed, “but it will be in keeping with the best international traditions,” said the commissioner.

7 comments on “International Manhunt: Reddy Kilowatt

  1. The latest report was that Reddy and Speedy were last seen in the company of Smoky The Bear. He joined the duo as a safety measure. He wanted to be sure there wasn’t a combined effort to create a smoke screen in order to avoid capture.

    1. Magic, in the name of Nicolai Tesla, whom believed that he could harvest electricity from the air, but mean old Edison cast an evil spell, so it never happened. The fact that Tesla never actually accomplished this and that no one has done so since, (in spite of the fact that accomplishing this would bring untold wealth) doesn’t seem to deter the true believers.

  2. I understand that the Canine Lives Matter group objects to the phrase “Capitalist Running Dog.”

    1. Caps Have Feelings Too objects to the letters “c, a, & p” being used in the word “capitalist”. I understand that a baseball cap in St. Louis is staging a hunger strike as we speak.

      The word “running” bothers the people whom run for exercise so they have staged a work slowdown and are walking until this travesty is resolved in their favor. 🙂

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