John Kasich: Theology Superstar

Here, according to theology whiz-bang John Kasich, is what happens to you if you don’t support Obamacare and other Big Government entitlements.

Republican presidential wannabe John Kasich has solved the thorniest problem in the history of religion–how to get everybody into Heaven.

Obamacare. That’ll do the trick.

Yes, says the theological mastermind from Ohio: the Bible itself justifies Obamacare. ( )

Hmm… Would that be that verse that goes, let’s see… Surely the king shall wrest from the diligent the fruits of his labor, and bestow it on the slothful because they praise him? Oops, that one’s not actually in the Bible, is it?

No, Kasich is thinking of Matthew 25:31-46, dealing with the Last Judgment. Christ accepts the sheep, because “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me,” meaning the various works of charity and mercy; but he rejects the goats and consigns them to Hell, because “Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.”

Kasich’s reasoning is positively stupefying. So simple, a clam could get it.

Okay–we have to do works of charity and mercy, mostly to the poor, or we don’t get into Heaven. Right?

Now suppose the government, by creating programs like Obamacare and others, completely takes over the whole business of charity. And if you don’t want to perform acts of charity and mercy, so what? The state performs them anyhow, with your money, taxed out of your paycheck before you even see it. Therefor you have “done it unto the least of these” whether you like it or not, and are thus qualified for Heaven.

Thanks to the government, everyone will go to Heaven.

Is that cool, or what? As easy as pie, Kasich nullifies the grace of God and makes the cross of Christ of no effect. If only God the Father had thought of this 2,000 years ago, Christ the Son would not have had to be born.

And to think this simple insight eluded us for all this time!

Keep growing the government, and paradise is just around the corner.

2 comments on “John Kasich: Theology Superstar

  1. The stupid … it burns!

    I bet his next mindblowingly simple-yet-profound bit of theology will be something like this: global warming is what the Bible really meant when it said ‘Judgement Day’. So we’ll be judged, quite literally, if we don’t stop and reverse climate change.
    Put down that hairspray or you’ll perish in the fiery end of the world!

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