The Not-So-Fantastic Four

For those of you who are into super-heroes, be advised that not all super-heroes make the grade. Here are four that didn’t.

Skin Man. Essentially a complete human skin with nothing inside–no bones, flesh, blood, or organs–Skin Man stops crime by flinging himself on top of the bad guy and impeding his movements. A lot of readers said they found this “just too gross.”

Blunder Woman. Her motto is, “There’s no problem that can’t be solved by sheer stupidity.” Blunder Woman is unusual in that she is actually a villain who always tries to help criminals carry out their evil schemes. But her incessant blundering causes all the crimes to fail.

Captain Whine-O tries to stop the bad guys by following after them and whining about how mean they are. They just can’t shake him off; and because he has no real substance, shooting him doesn’t work. In the end they ignore him and do the crimes anyway. But it isn’t as much fun as it should have been.

Dr. Suzy Snoozy, aka The Incredible Hulk of Nothing, suffered a freak accident in her lab one day. Pelted by special gamma rays, Suzy now, whenever there’s a crisis, turns into a gigantic paramecium. Unfortunately, before she can intervene in any crisis, she must reach the nearest body of water as soon as possible and crawl into it before she dehydrates. But then there’s not much a paramecium can do about anything, anyhow, even if it is as big as a full-size human being.

Oh, well. At least they all had nice costumes.

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