Solving the Riddles of Ancient History: A Whole New Approach

Image result for images of harappan priest king statue

See this statue? We don’t know who or what he was. We don’t know when he lived. We don’t know a single word of his language. All we know is that this statue comes from the Indus Valley Civilization, where it was found in a city built around 2500 B.C. and abandoned some six or seven hundred years later.

But according to a whole new way of studying ancient history, we can now know all those things and more.

“All I has to do is just look at it, and then I know all about it,” says Dr. I. B. Loony, a professor of Social Gender and Environmental Global Justice at 57 States University. “For instance, that statue, the one that comes from the India Valley. That guy’s name was Harold Patel or something like that, and he was originally assigned the female gender, but like you see by the statue, he self-identified as male and his transition was totally successful! And the reason there is no more India Valley Civilization is because they stopped doing gender fluidity and that caused climate change and that was the end of them. A civilization that doesn’t got no gender fluidity is doomded to climate change!”

Because the language spoken by the Indus Valley people is unknown, and their writing system undeciphered, Professor Loony was asked how he knows these things.

“You are a racist!” he explained. “Biggit, biggit, biggit! Waaaaaah!” He then rolled about on the floor and made peculiar sounds, while pounding with his fists and feet and head.

“No one is allowed to question him,” said one of his students. “He just knows things, that’s all. We take his word for it. I asked him a question once, and I was in Diversity Training for two weeks after that, learning how to think like everybody else. And now you’d better leave before I call the Diversity Response Team and report you for a micro-aggression and violation of our safe space.”

NEXT: Professor Loony reveals the secrets of Egyptian pyramid construction.

12 comments on “Solving the Riddles of Ancient History: A Whole New Approach

  1. I must admit, the gender transition of that statue is astoundingly good. 🙂

    I recently read an opinion piece that in retrospect, our time will look every bit as foolish as the Dark Ages. While it is cloaked in impressively large words, the babble of today is just that; babble. If you watch science documentaries, they speak with great authority about details of the prehistoric past, but there is a LOT of surmising which they seem to accept as fact.

    There is a lot of mythology in our day. People believe in evolution of species in spite of the fact that transitional species have yet to be found in the fossil record. The Cambrian explosion shows life of every known phyla coming into existence almost simultaneously, but the science community closes its eyes, wishes for new fossil discoveries and moves forward as if these discoveries had already occurred. That makes as much sense as it would if I decided that there was buried treasure in my back yard and went out and financed a new Mercedes based upon that hope. (The only thing buried in my back yard is a leach field.)

    So, as I see it, science has deteriorated into the realm of legends, myths and concocted fables which support the conclusions science has already canonized into their atheistic religion. It’s the Dark Ages, veiled in techno-babble.

    One other thing I find fascinating is that people are abandoning established, proven science. The Flat Earth phenomena has grown from nothing and some of its adherents are quite adamant. I have personally spoken to an adult that told me there was no such thing as gravity, the earth was flat and the quantum physics was bunk. Spherical earth?Absolutely proven. Gravity? What was keeping us on the ground while we spoke? Quantum mechanics? The guy had a smart phone and solid state devices require quantum mechanics in order to operate. Yet this person insisted that these established scientific matters were all a conspiracy that somehow benefits caucasians and discriminates against all others.

    Missed the Dark Ages first time around, didja? Well hold onto your hat, ’cause they are back with a vengeance. 🙂

    1. I had an email run-in with a Flat Earther. Not an experience I’m eager to repeat.
      They create computer models, then study those instead of nature and call it science.
      My favorite example of this is the scientific study of “Pan prior,” a hypothetical creature intended to represent the divergence-point between chimpanzees and humans. There is no fossil of this creature. They invented it, and then they studied it. This, too, they call science.

    2. It’s astounding, but as Solomon said: there is nothing new under the sun. We are reliving history and we are entering into an age of mysticism, fable, fancy and myth. Somehow, many people are losing their connection with reality and it seems to be growing rapidly.

      The flat earth thing astounds me. One of the arguments in favor of it came from an (alleged) airline pilot. He said that they don’t have to adjust for curvature of the earth when flying long distances and that is supposed to prove that the world is flat.

      Hello! Airplanes fly through the atmosphere and the atmosphere conforms to the earth. If this guy actually is a pilot, he needs to have his certificate revoked at once, because he does not have the understanding required in order to fly an airplane safely. WTH is happening to people?

      Oh yeah, 2 Thess 2:11 “For this reason God will send upon them a deluding influence so that they will believe what is false”. That’d explain it. 🙂

    3. Of course they don’t “have” to fly the curvature of the earth, which seems like an admission the earth is not flat, it just means the flight would take longer.

      It seems the flat-earth belief is making a come back for some odd reason. There are even some Christians who believe it and have merged it with a biblical worldview. It doesn’t make much sense to me. They turn into some sort of conspiracy theory, although what someone would gain by making people believe the earth is round is belong me.

      So the obvious questions for me is, why are long distance flights shorter when flying in an arc instead of a straight line? What happens when you reach the end of the earth, do you fall off? Why do artillery rounds curve sideways? Why do hurricanes rotate and move westward?

    4. The key to this is that airplane don’t move in relation to the ground, they move in relation to the air and are constantly pulled towards the ground by gravity (and kept aloft by the movement of air over the wing). That’s why landings can be tricky, because the movement of the air (crosswinds, for instance) may make it difficult to synchronize the movement of the airplane in the body of moving air to the ground track of the airplane when it comes in contact with the runway. Anyone that has ever landed a plane on a gusty day with strong crosswinds can attest to this. It makes driving on an icy road seem tame by comparison. 🙂

      “[W]hy are long distance flights shorter when flying in an arc instead of a straight line?”

      A piece of yarn and a globe will answer your question. If you are flying between two distant cities on a given parallel the “great circle” route is shorter than just flying due east or due west. There’s not really any trickery here; the straightest line is actually to curve away from the equator.

      “What happens when you reach the end of the earth, do you fall off?”

      You are at the end of the earth right now, so am I, so is Lee, and none of us are in any danger of falling off. The only “edge” to a sphere (or more correctly an oblate spheroid) in the surface of the sphere, which is to say that we all live on the “edge” between the surface of the planet and the atmosphere. When I flew regularly, I “feel off” that edge on a regular basis. 🙂

      “Why do artillery rounds curve sideways?”

      I think it comes down to aerodynamic drag. At some point, one side feels a bit more drag than the other and the translation of the projectile is no longer perfectly aligned with the long axis of the projectile itself. Because artillery travels farther than a bullet from a rifle or a pebble we toss by had this become evident.

      There may be some relation to the Coriolis Effect as well.

      “Why do hurricanes rotate and move westward?”

      I’ve heard that they tend to form in regions where the winds are predominantly from the east and their momentum carries them westward to some degree as they make they relentless climb towards the pole.

      Man, all that stuff I learned in ground school, 46 years ago, is finally paying off. 🙂

    5. Wel i got yiu thare!! Jist use A mapp insted “of” A globe “And” then yiu see! I thuhght evryboddy thay knowed “a” Mapp it Is more Acarute then A glob!!!

    6. Just to clarify, I meant those questions rhetorically, for flat-earthers. And the obvious answers are because the earth is round and rotates, something they flat-out (pun-intended) deny. Anyways, it’s apparent you are very knowledgeable about the subject. 🙂

    7. I sorta figured as much, but couldn’t resist taking a turn on the Papal Balcony. 🙂

      I’ve been fortunate to have been exposed to some very useful information from an early age. Aviation was a part of my life from second grade on and music came a few years later. Both expose a person to a lot of math, some physics and a few other useful things.

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