Tag Archives: diversity training

Solving the Riddles of Ancient History: A Whole New Approach

Image result for images of harappan priest king statue

See this statue? We don’t know who or what he was. We don’t know when he lived. We don’t know a single word of his language. All we know is that this statue comes from the Indus Valley Civilization, where it was found in a city built around 2500 B.C. and abandoned some six or seven hundred years later.

But according to a whole new way of studying ancient history, we can now know all those things and more.

“All I has to do is just look at it, and then I know all about it,” says Dr. I. B. Loony, a professor of Social Gender and Environmental Global Justice at 57 States University. “For instance, that statue, the one that comes from the India Valley. That guy’s name was Harold Patel or something like that, and he was originally assigned the female gender, but like you see by the statue, he self-identified as male and his transition was totally successful! And the reason there is no more India Valley Civilization is because they stopped doing gender fluidity and that caused climate change and that was the end of them. A civilization that doesn’t got no gender fluidity is doomded to climate change!”

Because the language spoken by the Indus Valley people is unknown, and their writing system undeciphered, Professor Loony was asked how he knows these things.

“You are a racist!” he explained. “Biggit, biggit, biggit! Waaaaaah!” He then rolled about on the floor and made peculiar sounds, while pounding with his fists and feet and head.

“No one is allowed to question him,” said one of his students. “He just knows things, that’s all. We take his word for it. I asked him a question once, and I was in Diversity Training for two weeks after that, learning how to think like everybody else. And now you’d better leave before I call the Diversity Response Team and report you for a micro-aggression and violation of our safe space.”

NEXT: Professor Loony reveals the secrets of Egyptian pyramid construction.


Down Whith Micro Gresion!

So i “was” jist walkin ruond the Campuss this moaning “and” Theese twoo other stodents they waked passt me and One she sayes to “the” other Hey lookit “the freek whith” the Moth Antenners meening Me! It was A grate Big Micro Gresion!!!

Wel naturely i busted “out” cryin i meen its Hard enuohgh havin Moth Antenners growin oute “of” my Four Head whithote some Biggit sayin im A freek and than wehn I “was” finnished cryin i runned offf to our Diversity Leadership Teem and i tole them al abuot It!! and Thay sayed dont Worry “whee wil” put them twoo Bums in Diversity Traning untill thay minds is rihgjt!

And than i “had” to Go “to” the Infirmbery becose my prefesser “he” sayed micro Gresion its Bad for yore immuned Sistym and it Can make yiu “sick” iff you here or see or rede Any thing “that” yiu dont lyke and So thay gived me Som Aunti Botics and thay aslo rubed som otther Kind of meddycine i fourget how to spel It, on my Moth Antenners and the One nourse she “was so” Nice she gived mee a Hankerchiff to eet for Lunch!

Hear at Collidge whe goin to Start “a” new Program it caled “langwidge Matters” and thenn No boddy thay wont be aloud to Say nothin at all unles it is Nice and Afirmming exept for Us Interllecturals wee can stil Talk “becose” evry thing Wee say its so Smart!!!

but evry Boddy else thay Has “got” to Shutt Up!!!


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