The Pooperintendent of Schools

Image result for images of man defecating on football field

Once upon a time, you wouldn’t even imagine something like this. Not a satire, by the way.

Police have arrested the Kenilworth, NJ, superintendent of schools… for repeatedly pooping on the athletic fields at Holmdel High School ( He could get up to nine months in jail for this caper, although he probably won’t.

For the time being, he and his $147,504 salary are on paid leave of absence. I think you have to be convicted of murder, or misgendering, to wind up on unpaid leave.

Holmdel is a lovely, upscale township nestled in the hills of Monmouth County. I used to cover their high school football team–back when you didn’t need galoshes to walk across the field.

Anyway, the Kenilworth supe was out there doing his jogging around 5 a.m., guess he wanted to do it before he drove the long haul up to Kenilworth five days a week. And on more than one occasion he took a dump on Holmdel school property. They got tired of finding his offerings, so they watched and waited till he came around to do it again; then they busted him.

Some questions naturally arise.

Are we allowed to take this incident as a wider cultural metaphor?

Why didn’t the Superintendent of Schools in Kenilworth poop at one of his own schools? What did Holmdel ever do to him?

What was he thinking? Did it never occur to him that people would be rather put off by his behavior? Did he do this because he’s a liberal with some kind of goofy entitlement in his mind, or as some singularly asinine form of protest? Or does he just get these spells wherein he self-identifies as a dog?

Is this particular antisocial act starting to catch on? In 2017 it was the Mad Pooper of Colorado Springs, who turned out to be some kind of wackjob with a self-ordained mission to becrap her neighbors’ lawns. She, too, was a jogger.

Well, I always thought jogging wasn’t all that good for you.

Meanwhile, the taxpayers in Kenilworth have to keep on paying Mr. Poop (don’t forget the benefits!) and looking for a new superintendent, or an acting superintendent, so they can pay him, too.

Just don’t ever ask this guy, “Are you sh*****’ me?” The answer might surprise you.

10 comments on “The Pooperintendent of Schools

  1. Astonishing, isn’t it? Makes me wonder if his wife (if he has one) takes him out on a leash before bedtime. I really can’t fathom the reasoning – or even the urge – behind such an absurdity. Sheesh!

  2. I had seen these stories in the news and been astounded, in both cases.

    Civilization, at its essence, comes down to respect for others. It is respect that prevents civilized people from doing things which could harm others, or even inconvenience them. Even simple things, such as keeping the volume of music at a reasonable level are important, if we wish to be truly civilized.

    I was recently at a lovely park, a rare place of abundant water, in the desert. Hardwood trees prospered and the ferocity of the desert was absent. One hundred yards away from the water and you were facing desert harshness, but in this tiny place it was unbelievably pleasant, except for the dog droppings, which lie abundantly along the pathways. Yep, people that came there would let their dogs run free and leave behind reminders of their presence which persisted because of the very shade which attracted people to this spot.

    What is wrong with people? Actually, I have a pretty good idea of what is wrong with people; they are self centered to an alarming degree. The two examples you mention just represent a somewhat spectacular example of this. Actually, I see it all around in lesser degrees, and in greater degrees.

    How about a drunk driver? That’s self centered behavior on a potentially deadly scale. How about the infantile behavior of people with car stereos so loud that they impose their sound on others in traffic? Driving a roadster in such a situation is quite unpleasant, to say the least, especially when the music is harsh.

    So these two people, whom have seen fit to exempt themselves from civilized behavior, apparently expect so little of themselves that they are willing to indulge in something that, if widely practiced, would convert our neighborhoods into unpleasant and even dangerous places. It’s unlikely that stepping in dog droppings would make me sick, but cholera and hepatitis would have a field day with human droppings all about.

    So something that seems an oddity, even slightly comic at first glance, betrays something much different. Such actions require selfishness, disrespect towards others, lack of dignity and gross ignorance of the basic need for sanitation. As an interesting side point, the Law of Moses required that the Israelites bury their feces or God would turn away from them. Deut 23:12-14. (The rest of that chapter is quite interesting in the context of our times.)

    Most of us grew up in the Judeo-Christian ethic. Most of us take it for granted. But the Law, and the Christianity which followed it, were an incredible advantage for its adherents. Ancient Israel was a juggernaut of prosperity and freedom from superstition. It is also the basis of civilization as most of us know it. The world I grew up in, one of unlocked doors and security, was possible only because most people, if not worshippers of the True God, were at least influenced by a greater ethic which permeated society. I miss those days.

    1. Sir Kenneth Clark would agree with you, emphatically.
      In just the last year, uncollected dog turds have become common in this neighborhood and once you leave the sidewalk, you have to watch your step. I am glad that human beings aren’t doing what the dogs do. Yet.
      It’s culture rot–the natural consequence of turning away from God.

  3. In homeless camps across America defecation is a big problem. I know when I rode my bicycle across America in 1976, sometimes I had the urge but I would go out into the woods to do my business if rest room facilities were not an option. I often wonder what the characters in the Bell Mountain series do when they get the urge. 🙂

  4. Let’s face it. This idiot obviously had some issues with Holmdel High as there is no excure for pooping over and over! I’ll be curious to find out what wacky excuse his high-priced lawyer conjures up in the meantime, All school aystems should vet their administrators better as this miscreant had to show other signs of anti-social behavior!!

  5. If someone suffers from this condition (or any condition where you know there is a possibility that you’re going to shit on a moments notice) you need to take the necessary precautions. The fact that this guy did it over and over again, there is just no excuse for this sort of thing. He should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law because other people have to endure his condition with him knowing full well that it’s going to happen. It’s not fair to the rest of us. It’s like someone whose sick with the flu being on a crowded train, coughing and contaminating the public at large. I have no sympathy for him, nor is there any excuse for this kind of behavior.

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