Once upon a time, you wouldn’t even imagine something like this. Not a satire, by the way.
Police have arrested the Kenilworth, NJ, superintendent of schools… for repeatedly pooping on the athletic fields at Holmdel High School (https://fellowshipoftheminds.com/2018/05/04/mystery-pooper-at-nj-high-school-is-school-superintendent/). He could get up to nine months in jail for this caper, although he probably won’t.
For the time being, he and his $147,504 salary are on paid leave of absence. I think you have to be convicted of murder, or misgendering, to wind up on unpaid leave.
Holmdel is a lovely, upscale township nestled in the hills of Monmouth County. I used to cover their high school football team–back when you didn’t need galoshes to walk across the field.
Anyway, the Kenilworth supe was out there doing his jogging around 5 a.m., guess he wanted to do it before he drove the long haul up to Kenilworth five days a week. And on more than one occasion he took a dump on Holmdel school property. They got tired of finding his offerings, so they watched and waited till he came around to do it again; then they busted him.
Some questions naturally arise.
Are we allowed to take this incident as a wider cultural metaphor?
Why didn’t the Superintendent of Schools in Kenilworth poop at one of his own schools? What did Holmdel ever do to him?
What was he thinking? Did it never occur to him that people would be rather put off by his behavior? Did he do this because he’s a liberal with some kind of goofy entitlement in his mind, or as some singularly asinine form of protest? Or does he just get these spells wherein he self-identifies as a dog?
Is this particular antisocial act starting to catch on? In 2017 it was the Mad Pooper of Colorado Springs, who turned out to be some kind of wackjob with a self-ordained mission to becrap her neighbors’ lawns. She, too, was a jogger.
Well, I always thought jogging wasn’t all that good for you.
Meanwhile, the taxpayers in Kenilworth have to keep on paying Mr. Poop (don’t forget the benefits!) and looking for a new superintendent, or an acting superintendent, so they can pay him, too.
Just don’t ever ask this guy, “Are you sh*****’ me?” The answer might surprise you.