News Flash! Judge OKs Human Sacrifice

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A federal judge in Lenny’s Bar & Grill has ruled bans on human sacrifice “unconstitutional.”

“The religious rights of all minorities must be protected, no matter what!” said Judge Warren Peece. “That’s why I’ve ruled in favor of this lawsuit before anybody even filed it! If anybody wants to perform human sacrifice, they can now go right ahead.”

Earlier this week, Judge Peece ruled Christianity unconstitutional.

“I’m on a roll, aren’t I?” the judge said. “I wouldn’t be surprised if I fundamentally transformed this lousy country all by myself! But you know judges–we’re a competitive lot. In another day or two you’ll see lots of ’em trying to outdo me. It’s going to be fun! And with Democrats in charge of the House of Representatives, there’s absolutely nothing anyone can do about it!”

10 comments on “News Flash! Judge OKs Human Sacrifice

  1. LOL!! That’s what I heard the [In] justice Peece say too – word for word. Is he on the 9th Circuit Court?

    1. When I wrote “LOL” it was to acknowledge that it was satire; if it weren’t I wouldn’t have found it funny. My first sentence was to express what Watchman said, that satire & reality can merge because what you wrote could actually be what the judge was thinking, and some of which he might have actually said to someone in private. I threw in the 9th Circuit question because it’s full of judges just like him.

    2. I have a long time friend with whom we communicate rarely tete a’ tete and sometimes voix a’ voix, but mostly by email. We understand each other very well – we have the same politics, the same interest, the same God. But oftentimes she misunderstands my email and sometimes I misunderstand hers. I though it was her; but apparently it’s me – lol.

  2. Let’s review recent judicial pronouncements: As a religious custom, female genital mutilation is okay. However, the religious custom of praying in the name of Jesus is not okay. Interesting times we live in, no? (See also the supposed Chinese curse: “May you live in interesting times.”)

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