Do Fairies Migrate?

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Fungo State University has received a $330 million grant to find out whether fairies migrate.

The project director, Professor Ginger Vitus, says, “We’re glad we got this money! It would have otherwise gone to some really stupid project. ”

The first thing to be done, says Dr. Vitus, is to capture a number of fairies, band them–“Just like you band birds or fish”–release them, and wait to see where they turn up.

“We think the fairies in the Northeast migrate to Burkina Faso, where there are some famous fairy resorts. But we’ll learn more about it down the road.”

Researchers will have to be careful, Dr. Vitus added, not to get “a fairy curse put on them–some of these little folks are pretty ornery and don’t take kindly to being caught in a trap and banded with an uncomfortable metal band that they can’t take off. So I always remind my staff of how important it is to explain to the fairies that the only purpose of all this is to combat Climbit Chaange and Save The Planet.”

And if more money is needed to continue the project past its sell-by date, the university can always raise the tuition just a little higher.

11 comments on “Do Fairies Migrate?

    1. It’s a can of worms I shouldn’t have opened! It’s become infamous for personal ads that bring people “together” for one of them to get abused or even murdered.

  1. Pretty soon all the fairies will want to wear the new tracking bands to show how concerned they are about whatever it is they’re supposed to be concerned about. In fact, the Faerie Queene may even mandate the wearing of bands for the sake of public health. And then other fairies will go into the banding business, advertising customized fashion bands with “Your Design Here” and urging fairies to “Order now! Build your banding wardrobe!” Come to think of it, Fungo Sate could start a custom band business of its own, adding lots of money on top of the original funding.

    The possibilities are endless. Meanwhile, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, and Jeff Bezos are kicking themselves for not thinking of this surveillance opportunity first.

  2. I know this research project may seem to be on the edge of things, but it is sure more solid than most of those grants delivered to Sociologists. At least fairies have a history, trans-gen does not.

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