How Dominion Software Chooses the World’s Leaders

Tree Stump High Resolution Stock Photography and Images - Alamy

An executive vice president of Dominion software has reportedly bragged that Dominion’s computers (especially the “Hugo Chavez Hustler” model) tampered with national elections in Bazukastan last year to get a tree stump elected president.

“It was an experiment,” said (allegedly) Dominion honcho Antonio Pendejo, “and boy did it ever work! Schiff, man–we got a tree stump elected president!”

Asked, “Could you do it in a modern country like the United States?”, Mr. Pendejo replied, “We just did!”

The tree stump that is now president of Bazukastan does not even have a name. Dominion has suggested holding a “Name the President” contest. Unofficially, many people in Bazukastan have already dubbed the president “that ^%$#$# tree stump.”

Meanwhile, reporters have found Mr. Pendejo’s apartment vacated, his office cleaned out, and and his next-door neighbors cringingly insisting that they never heard of him.

8 comments on “How Dominion Software Chooses the World’s Leaders

  1. Didn’t they must attempt that here? — I mean trying to get a tree stump elected president?

    I hate to say it, but this post was so close to what appears to be truth that until I reached the phrase “Schiff, man,” I’d even overlooked Pendejo’s name and was taking the article seriously. (But then again, I once had a friend in junior high whose last name was Lipshitz, so anything is possible.)

    1. Typo alert on my comment: That should have been “Didn’t they just,” not “Didn’t they must.” 🙁

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