How to Make Your Ratings Go Up

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They could always try hanging the chart upside-down…

So there’s this noozie whose show is at the very bottom of the ratings heap, Brian Something… is it Swelter? Brian Swelter? (Nah, that’s the mean chef in Gormenghast.)

How is this fat bald guy supposed to get his ratings up? Believe it or not, he solved the problem.

By going on vacation! (

Him not being there caused his show’s dismal ratings to improve. Only slightly, but one has to start somewhere. His show might really get a shot in the arm if he resigns and disappears from public view.

Noozies, we don’t love you anymore.

5 comments on “How to Make Your Ratings Go Up

  1. That’s the fear of every bureaucrat (which “journalists” have become by now), i.e., that if you take a vacation, your company will discover how well they can do without you — or even how much better. 🙂

  2. I guess that’s one way to look at it. I could nominate a lot of people- I mean, really a LOT.

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