The Return of Black Rodney (‘Oy, Rodney’)

Mrs. Arthur Bolgani, a reader living in the basement of Bob’s Ping-Pong Emporium in Yuggoth, Kansas, has written to Violet Crepuscular: “What about the medieval sorcerer, Black Rodney? The one who put all those curses on Scurveyshire. You never write about him anymore!”

“Everyone’s a critic,” writes Ms. Crepuscular, introducing Chapter CDLXVI of her immortal romance novel, Oy, Rodney. She’s trying to conceal the fact that she has forgotten all about Rodney. It’s been several hundred pages since his name’s been mentioned.

“What no one in Scurveyshire knows,” she continues flosticating, “is that Mr. Bigcheeks is the direct descendant of Black Rodney, twice removed (once to Czechoslovakia), and his family picnics in the forest are only the first step in a scheme to take over all of Western Europe from Cornwall to the Oder-Niesse Line!”

But does Mr. Bigcheeks know he has this plan? Can’t the poor guy just enjoy a picnic with his family? Indeed, the unexpected discovery of his presence in the woods has saved Lady Margo and Willis Twombley from being hopelessly lost and probably dying of starvation and exposure. From the Bigcheeks’ picnic basket to the edge of the wood is only some 25 feet.

“We’re saved!” exults Lady Margo. She tosses her wig into the air. It gets caught in a tree.