The Sorcerer’s Descendant (‘Oy, Rodney’)

Pin by Ross Johnston on totally judging books by their covers | Book  parody, Book humor, Romance novels

Introducing Chapter CDLXX (“cud licks,” for those who just don’t get Roman numerals) of her epic romance, Oy Rodney,  Violet Crepuscular writes, “Introducing Chapter CDLXX of my epic romance, Oy Rodney, I pose a tantalizing question to you, dear reader!” Then she goes on for several pages, having forgotten to pose her question.

We have left Willis Twombley, who think he’s Sargon of Akkad, fulminating over some mystery man named “Charlie” in Lady Margo Cargo’s life. (“It is too complicated to explain!” Ms. Crepuscular insists.) But turn we now unto Mr. Bigcheeks, lineal descendant of the medieval sorcerer, Black Rodney.

One of the ways you used to be able to tell a witch or sorcerer was, they had these unearthly beings hanging out with them. These were called “familiars,” and if you were caught with one, your goose was cooked–and so were you.

Mr. Bigcheeks does not know he is directly descended from Black Rodney. He does not know that the strange creature dwelling in the basement of his hovel is his familiar. He thinks it’s Mickey Mouse.

535 Mickey Mouse Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images - iStock

It is not a profitable use of one’s time to argue with Ms. Crepuscular about Mickey Mouse not existing in the Victorian Era. She calls that argument “a hypofloxin that would hardly do credit to a sleep-deprived mameluke.”

Anyway, Mickey has promised to make Mr. Bigcheeks king of England if he can find and resuscitate the mummy of Black Rodney himself. Mr. Bigcheeks thinks it might be under the wading pool in the vicar’s back yard.

But that way lies madness. And that’s if you’re lucky.

One comment on “The Sorcerer’s Descendant (‘Oy, Rodney’)”

  1. Hypofloxins are tricky things, indeed. I’ve avoided them up until this point in life, pretending that they were nonexistent, but they obviously can’t be avoided any longer. The thing is, failing to listen to Mickey Mouse holds dire consequences that cannot be overestimated. So that leaves us in a place we can all relate to; because at some point in life, we all end up needing to face the Vicar’s Wading Pool, which seems a lot less daunting than some of what is going on in the real world, these days.

    So here we are, living in a world where Victorian Mickey Mouse is calling the shots, and this explains everything. 🙂

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